365.

wow. wow, wow and wow. seeing that number up there? that's completely and utterly surreal. three hundred and sixty five days, pictures, blogs. since january 1st, 2009. and now, it's the last day of 2009. how weird is that? i'm so glad i did this, so glad i accomplished this. there are so many memories here, that now, i will never forget. i've watched myself change over the past year, so much. so much has changed. i remember the first day, i wrote this, "yep, three hundred and sixty five pictures. i hope they will depict my life and give me many memories to look back on eventually." wow, if i only knew back then how much this would effect me. 2009 might have started bad, yeah, and there might have been really horrible times, but if i didn't have those times, how would i know happiness? 2009 has also brought me endless happiness and good times. i've discovered who i can truly trust and count on, who my best friends are. so many shows that changed my life, so many people who inspired me, so many sleepless nights with my best friends that i wouldn't trade for the world. and now, tonight represents a fresh start. a new year filled with new experiences. that's what every new year brings, right? ahhh. so, as far as this blog. i don'tttt know! i'll continue with my tumblr, at destroymypride.tumblr.com! i've been doing that for a little while. and i can see myself writing in this from time to time. i'll write more later :) xo!

edit. 2009, i will miss you but i won't at the same time. i'm leaving for my aunt's house soon with my mom, mike and jess. chris is meeting us there. actually excited to see mah family! meh. idk. i don't like how new year's eve kind of depresses me. but i'll get over it. i need to look at the positive side. maybe make some new year's resolutions. hmmm: put more thought into photo projects, make an effort to talk to my friends and make time for everyone, be nicer to my parents, be a better girlfriend, and of course, this is necessary, see bryce at least 4 times this year. that one is the same as last year! cause i didn't exactly accomplish thatttt. but oh well. anyway. i'll try to end this blog (wow, end?) with something meaningful. happy new year, everyone. there's only 5 more hours left. and everyone, everywhere, is changing. whether it be dramatically in one moment, one day, or gradually, over time. everything is changing. i hope that you make the best decisions for yourself, and live your life to your liking, not anyone elses. i really have so many people to thank for shaping the person i became the past 12 months. and god knows there is plenty more change to come. it's weird to think that if one thing had gone differently, you might be a different person. these are all just random thoughts that go through my head. but i want everyone in my life to know that i'm so grateful that you're here. everyone's had their fair share of struggles but they make it through them because of the people willing to help. in 2010, i hope to exemplify my gratitude. to everyone. random acts of kindness are a good thing to start with. people always say that they want to make the world a better place, but no one really ever knows where to start. but that's what life is about, isn't it? finding out which path to take in order to better your life. this is my goal for 2010. thank you for being my outlet this year. i will always remember 2009, the good and the bad. for the people who may read this, thank you for even glancing at my words. this means a lot to me, i'll miss you. for the last time, xo.

364.

holy shit, it's so late, but i have to write this now before i forget anything. so. woke up this morning at 10, fell back asleep and woke up at 10:45. went and took a shower, got dressed, did hair. cleaned hamster cage, productive! then, when i was making food, around 1:30ish, jakelyn showed up! yayayay. ate a sandwich and soup, mmm. started getting ready to leave at 2:30, and left at 3. took a bunch of stuff and my new coat. soooo fucking excited. THE STARTING LINE? whattttttt? and envy? for the second time in 4 days? love my life. sooo, the drive to philadelphia was really long and boring. listened to those two bands the whole time, and only stopped once. we got to philly and it was dark out, around 7ish. drove around for a little in the big city. it was sooo beautiful. reminds me a lot of nyc at night. except a lot cleaner! so, better :). wish i coulda taken pictures! the last time i went there, it wasn't at night. so yeeee! it was very nice. found the venue, the trocadero, and waited in the front in the car until doors. waited for the line to get short and then went in with jake. first thing we did was pee, LOL. the venue was nice, but the bathroom wasn't! whatevvv. walked around after that, saw members of envy, aw! then we went to buy tsl merch. i got a hoodie and so did jake! put our crap in coat check and then walked into the main room. a local band played their last song, and then we moved further into the crowd. envy played almost the same set as the did on sunday, except shorter! only 7 songs :( they ended with gift of paralysis, awww. i wish the crowd was more into them, because they're so great. like, sososo great. passionate and really genuine people. i know everyone was there for tsl but they should've supported them more. oh well, i was screaming and singing! it felt gooood. and i love when they play x amount of truth and then go into vultures, the bass is sooo good. aaah! well. they ended and i had the most insane butterflies. maybe 20 minutes later, the lights went dim, the crowd screamed, and everyone ran forward at least 5 feet. i haven't been in a serious pit since i don't even know when, and at that moment, i realized why i do it. the band walked out, and then kenny jumped on stage and turned around and played his first note. innnnnsane. this crowd was the craziest i've ever been in. i can't even. before they said anything, they opened with up and go. i honestly couldn't even hear kenny because the crowd was singing so loud. it was the greatest thing i've ever experienced. after that was making love to the camera. i thought of you, of course. but yeppp, AMAZING. direction and then surprise, surprise! such great lyrics. this was so insane. then inspired by the $, are you alone, a goodnight's sleep. 21 blew my mind, of course. AH. then what you want, ready, artistic license, birds AH!, way with words, given the chance. right after that, kenny said, "who has... something left to give?" and i FLIPPED. 2 seconds later... "this song's called island." LOL. the crowd went insane anyway. deadddd. they said 2 more songs :( somebody's gunna miss us, and then best of me. holy SHIT. best thing of my life. during all of this, kenny was thanking everyone, and then said, "it's because of you guys that we're gunna start doing this more often." HOLY FUCK, dead. i have literally never heard a crowd cheer that loud, for that long. then "starting line" was chanted. kenny literally screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP" into the mic and then laughed because we were so loud and insane. they also kept hinting at more shows the whole time. when they went offstage the one more song chant was literally IMMEDIATE. it took a little while, but they came back out. something left to give? holy fuck. i died. that and playing favorites are my 2 favorite songs by them. ahhhhhh. then, last song was leaving. appropriate. the crowd was absolutely insane, fun, crazy, sweaty, loud, and everything i love about shows. yesyesyes. love my life so much. after the show, me and jake fixed ourselves and then i went to talk to ryan hunter. talked about shows and long island and the 516, and sunday! haaa. he is so damn sweet. took a picture :) aww, dw. after that, we got our hoodies and then walked out. i mean, i knew i wasn't going to meet kenny, so that's fine. i'll meet him again one day :). got into the car really excited. AH. the drive home was faster, obv. left at 11:30, stopped once, SKETCH SKETCH, got home at 2:45am. LOL. it's now 4am. i'm delusional. but this was necessary. thank you, the starting line, for dedicating tonight and last night to us. you have such a huge impact on your fans. i wouldn't have missed this for the world. i love you. i love tonight. i love everything. kiana and paloma are awake as well, talking to those girlies now :). tomorrow, last day of 2009? this is weird. xo.

363.

ilfpoggggg today. the starting line and envy tomorrow. life is good. xo.

edit. around 11, tor and i settled on my bed with the maine playing in the backround. decided to have a very thought-provoking conversation. there's a lot of stuff that could be said but i don't want to depress anyone. basically, everyone wants to know what people would do if they died because everyone wants to know they're important and that they make a difference in people's lives. i always feel guilty when i leave someone while fighting with someone. i might never see them again. i could die tomorrow and that's how it would stay. so tonight, i texted 34 people telling them that they are important to me. though it was a mass text, i honestly meant it sincerely to everyone. this was after tor left, and i was just sitting in my bed. i watched as the texts back poured in. eventually, 27 texts back and one phone call. reading the texts honestly made me cry. everyone deserves to know that they are important to people. and i loved seeing people's reactions. besides that, i got ready for tomorrow. SO excited. going with jakers :) ! yayay. need to go to sleep relatively early so i can wake up tomorrow. ohhhh life. only 2 days of this year left? what? better make it amazing.

362.

ahhhhhhh! hello. only 2 more days of this year? what? i actually did this? ohman. anyway. todaaay; showered, curled my hair, izzy and rachel came over for a bit. FROZE. they left at 5 and then i actually did some of my math homework. talked to laura and paloma on the phone and then paloma's mom came to pick me up with gabby LOL. picked up laura and then went to loma's! didn't see avatar in 3D cause it was sold out :( so when we got to tanger we decided to see sherlock holmes. holy fuck, jude law AND robert downey jr? fucking life. ashfjhas. SO GOOD. the movie was amazing, the end. i see good movies hahaha. but no joke, it was so fucking good, so interesting, and i enjoy british accents, THANKS. after the movie, loma's dad picked us up and dropped me and laur off at my house. around 11, tor came :) FINALLY an ilfpog sleepover. sooo happy. chilled for a little and then at 11:30, johnny picked us up with mike and anthony to chill for a bit. drove around and met up with other random kids LOL. fun times. "elise? who?" "what is this, a dingleberry?" YEAH BASICALLY, really funny. nuthunting LMFAO. love everyone. it's mad late. setting up to go to sleep now, maybe that will happen after the 3 of us talk forever. i'll get back to them now :). aw cute! goodnighttttt.

361.

holy shit, i love today. hung out with family for a while, blahblahblah. then got ready and went to my aunt's house for a little while. got dunkin donuts :) WOO! went back home at 4, and then just chilled for a while. got ready for envy, holyshitttt! :D faye and laur picked me up at 6, and then we picked up ryan. drove to the theatre at westbury, and i've actually been there before, twice... LOL. anyway. it was pretty awesome. although there was a REALLY awkward assortment of people there ahahahaha. vinnie from i am the avalanche played first, he was really funny and really good :) between the trees was AMAZING, have to get into them. their set was very long, however. but i enjoyed it. soooo, envy. omfg. up until then, we had been sitting in our seats, which were pretty good. but for envy, we moved to the toptop of the arena, in the box seats, and stood on the last seats of the row and leaned against the wall. the greatest view EVER. we could see everything. envy played sugar skulls, tell them that she's not scared, x amount of truth, vultures, southern comfort (new), artist and repertoire, the gift of paralysis, suckerpunch, and some i can't remember. but they were sooo fucking good. so good. i just wish their set was longer :( awwman. but yeah. sooo great. they came back out for an encore and played a cover of paper rival. me, faye and laur made that the funniest thing ever LOL. love us. after the show ended, we drove back to commack blasting music like brand new, tbs, the starting line, etc. so greatttt. then we went to applebee's and met up with audra and emily. got sooo much food, LOL, but it was so good. stopped at faye's for a second and then came back to my house around 12:30. laur's sleeping over nowww yay! tomorrow is gunna be mad fun, too :D! loveeee life. xo!

360.

ahhhhh best friend, 10 years. today was fun timesss! woke up and showered. then curled my hair forever. this is how my mornings have been going lately. anyways. thennn ate, waited around, blahblah. at 5, me, mike and jess left to go shopping. went to best buy for a little while, then decided to go to the mall. picked up marietta on the way there! it was pouring when we got there :(. we ran in hahaha, and then split up D: ! butttt me and marietta shopped for a long time, talked, ahaha made fun of people. also made a new friend in zumiez, brendan! bought him a purple beanie for his snowboarding adventure tomorrow, have fun! :D aw. so anyyyyway. me and marietta ate, and then walked around a little more. left around 9:30pm. came back hereee and then chris came! they left for a party and now marietta's sleeping over. yayayay this never happenssss. holycrap. mad people are here right now, don't know what's going on. tomorrow shall be fun! loma&izzy are coming over for a little! and then envy with laur and faye. SO EXCITED. love this break. year's almost over, holy shit. xo.

359.

this christmas was a lot better than most. i'm glad i'm spending it with these people. woke up, ate, showered. spent time with my mom when i was curling my hair, and we talked about a lot of stuff. even told her something she never knew, which i'm glad about. the situation can only be bettered, so i'm glad she knows. anyway. went to see avatar with my family, seem to go to the movies on christmas a lot! but whatev. didn't really want to see that cause it looked stupid but holy shit, so good. seriously, no joke, go see it. especially if you're like me and like thinking about possibilities of other worlds and different life forms. i can't even explain, just see it. jakesully! (: anywaysss. got home and took a nap. now i'm here! i hope everyone had a good christmas. and i hope they realize how lucky they are! seems like everyone gets new phones, new cameras, new ipods, and stuff like that. be fortunate that you can be given that stuff. right now, i'm just thankful that my family is here. to alleviate the annoyance of my father. but yeah. elf is on, i'm happy, i'll probably go watch more of that soon. besttttt. OH AND. almost forgot! laura texted me and told me that faye had extra tickets to envy on the coast on sunday! and of course i wanted to go. asked my mom and she said yesss! SO excited. 4th time seeing them, and i remember last year, double day, december 29th and 30th, at the same place they're playing sunday! i'm so lucky to be able to attend all this shit. the starting line on the 30th, 5 effffin days. and then bryce's birthday, new year's eve, and then it's 2010 and this blog is over. wow, going so fast. wellll, merry christmas everyone! hope you're all happy today. xo.

358.

christmas eve. happy family together food presents love hugs smiles talking laughing lights snow cold hope friends thankyous grateful thinking .... remembering. by the way, we always open presents on christmas eve. today was good. sorry i only got 2 people presents. i wish i had a car and unlimited money so i could show everyone how much they're worth to me, because sometimes words aren't enough. i don't know. maybe one christmas will be perfect. this was a huge improvement though. have a tree for the first time since i can remember. i hope everyone had a good day and tomorrow is even better. xo...

357.

ahhhh, life. so. today was wendesday. aka the last day before break. aka the last day of school until the next century. and last blog that includes school... ever. i've kept this going for 357 days. so proud. only 8 left. so, school! 1st period, reviewed for test in math. 2nd period, took said test! i think i did well. 3rd period, JOKE. chem, funny as always. 4th period, JOKE. watched elf and talked with heather :). 5th, lunch, ahhhhh good times always. 6th, study hall, lonely without laura :(! 7th, photo, fun every day. nat and heather :). 8th, global, had to write a damn essay but he shortened it to 2 paragraphs! happy. 9th, JOKE. english, we literally shared embarassing stories the entire period. entertaining. and that was my day! met up with laura after school, went home. cleaned, LOL. whatnot. music. talked about life. got frustrated, didn't go shopping. still have to get my mom something, AHHHH. anyway. 7:30, mama rizzo picked us up and we went to chili's. met up with katrina and heather, unfortunately the other members could not make it :( but it was nice. it wasn't that crazy funny laugh all night kinda of nights out. it was more chill, relaxed, full of discussion. it was perfect. talked about dreams, universe, astrology, etc. it's weird to see how much i have in common with katrina and heather that i didn't know about. kinda really really awesome. after chili's, walked to barnes and noble. sat in the corner, reading dream books and astrology books and talking about life more. stayed until the store closed. wandered to stop and shop, found stephaniesmith! when she left us, we walked over to best buy. the only thing we did was sit on a huge leather couch around an array of plasma screen tv's. it was so relaxing, peaceful, and there is really no way to describe it. but i love those girls, a lot. and the end of tonight showed me that being loud and laughing really hard isn't the only way to have a good time. tonight was really good. perfect. i love the people i surround myself with. katrina left :( and then the 3 remaining left when my dad got there. dropped heather off, then law. my dad is so fucking annoying and put me in a bad mood, but when i pulled up to my house, i saw the lights of the christmas tree shining through my den windows, and smiled. all of my mom's family is here, and i love them. christmas eve in 2 minutes. maybe it'll be good this year. xo.

356.

school, stayed after for math, walked home in the snow, ASSHOLES. ate, tv, slept for 2 hours. then this. spent an hour with merry christmas baby by brighten on repeat. why why why why why. you you you you you. i don't know. tomorrow is last day before break. hopefully last year doesn't happen again. uhhhhhh, goodbye.

ps. I love you more than sums can say.

355.

hahahahahahaha, this is a complete joke. 2 hour delay today, and wore 4 inch heels to school. LOL. 28 minute periods... cooool. should've just had a snow day. but whatev. school was okay. pretty much did nothing at all. stayed after with laur, took the late bus to her house. walked kit-tee kit-tee! hahahaaa and ate and crap. chilled. went on the computer and read our entire facebook message, that started last february. hahahaaaaa. took a lot of pictures, similar to this LMFAO. complete joke. obviously. buncha cooool kids.... LOL life. anyway. left at 9:30. now i'm home. my computer won't turn on..... cool. i really don't like life. bullshitted math homework? and some sheet? idk. gotta study for global.... MEH.

ps. 2 years ago today, everything. just everything. i have no idea who or where i'd be if this day never happened. you absolutely changed me. loved me, hurt me, broke me, tricked me, used me, cared about me, helped me, made me laugh, made me cry, and pretty much everything else that could be done to a person. and after everything? you're still here. and no matter what... if i could only say one thing to you, it would always be thank you. for what, i couldn't define. but thank you.

354.

sooooooooo much snow. i wish it was a school day because we'd DEFF have a snow day. just spent over an hour shoveling snow, I HATE LIFE. kinda stressed and really busy today. have to leave for the donkey in like, 2 and a half hours. hope i can get everything done. xo.

edit. sam's party was so much fun. omfg. i love my best friends, and action item is too qt. i loveeee tonight. 2 hour delay tomorrow, while everyone else has a snow day...... COOL. mad tired, sleep soon. i love you, bye!

353.

went to the mall with my 2 best friends today. it was crowded but i got a lot of christmas shopping done, yaaaay! snow started a little but not too much. just wrapped presents and such, excited for sam's party tomorrow :) hopefully the snow isn't too bad! i really like this weekend, idk why. but yeah! loveeeeeeeeyou. xo!

352.

great day, definitely. school was a joke hahaha whatev. only have 2 things for homework. right after school though, idk, something hit me. sat around. got over it. i was bored for a few hours but then laura called. when she left kiana called! and then law called me back. so i was entertained. law's mom dropped her off here around 5:30 and we really did nothing LOL besides talk about everything and read our wall to wall. always a good time. bestfrienddd. at 8:30 johnny, anthony and josh picked us up and we met up with everyone for lasertagging! it was madddd fun hahaha. i love them all! after lasertagging, went to applebee's. laughing the whole wayyy. people at applebee's were dumb but whatevvv, food was good and stuff. had a good time there too. at 11:30 everyone left, and it was just me, law, johnny, josh, tom, jess and cara. went to cvs, wooo, then johnny drove us home. such a fun night. i love when i surround myself with people that make me laugh and will make me happy. btw picture is sammy in applebee's! yayayay. today was maddd good. dunno what i'm doing tomorrow besides cleaning. FUNTIMES. i'm tired! goodnight!

351.

basically spent all day with kiana. better than the days i've been having lately. don't feel like writing right now though, and i have to study for chem. maybe i'll edit later. xo.

ps. i'm sorry.

350.

i really think somethings wrong with me sometimes. like what kind of person has these bullshit feelings all the time. mood swings are fucking horrible, they really are. and they're a lot more common lately. well, i guess i got some stuff accomplished today though? idk. seriously my negative feelings are overriding that. i don't even want to say anything good right now. fuckkk i need to go actually do my homework. weekend, come sooner, you will be amazing...

349.

today has become exponentially shitty.

edit. idk. today has had it's ups and downs. school was okay, but i hate feeling shitty about how hard i'm trying. aka not hard at all. and yeah. 1month. i feel like we've put the worst behind us. and i wrote this on tumblr today; "Listen to me. If you take one thing out of our relationship, let it be this. If you love someone, tell them. And fight for them. Every day. Because if you don't, that person will think your words were completely worthless. Don't give bullshit excuses, love isn't about excuses. Love is patient, love is kind. You yourself must take on the qualities of love. If you love someone, you'd do anything to keep them by your side. Period. So if one day, you encounter love, don't let it slip away." ahhhh. i don't know. i really don't. then i read my report card. dropped in all but 3 classes. and, guess what? my average is an 89.4. aka the first time i'm not on high honor roll since sixth fucking grade. honestly. i'm so disappointed in myself. i can do so much better and i don't know what's wrong with me lately. failing shit like it's no big deal. day to day in school doesn't really seem to matter, but in the long run, high school is what gets you into college. which then in turn prepares you for your career, your life. this shit is important and i'm handling it like it's bullshit. i promised to try harder because honestly, that ruined my day. also, it's day 349. realizing that there are only 16 more days of this year is unreal. 16 more days of this blog. bittersweet. also, 15 days until the starting line in philly with best friend. keeping a smile on my face. i really don't have anything to say particularly but i guess i could say some stuff.

laura. honestly, thank you. i don't know what else to say. we always seem to go through the exact same shit at the same time. you and tor are the only ones who will ever understand. even though we're really mean to each other hahahaha, i love you.

katrina. you're my favorite nerd. i might not have ever said this to you but it's a complete breath of fresh air to be around someone who i actually see as intelligent. you're someone i can actually have a conversation with, and you appreciate knowledge and literature, etc etc, as much as i do. we have so many good memories and i'm glad we're close again. i love you =]! ps i know i didn't answer your text today but i just wanted to tell you that it made me smile and i'm so glad that good people like you exist.

mike. i miss everything. i'll leave it at that.

i think that's it for right now. until tomorrow. of course. xo.

348.

ahahahahaha. today was a good day. school was okay, even though i woke up late. i hate that. but it wasn't so bad today. let's just talk about how "let's just talk about..." is my new favorite phrase. uhhhhh. LOL. anyway. after school i went to my house to get my camera to take pictures while law did her spanish thing. came back and then we started walking to her house. gina, jess and sammy drove by and pulled over to pick us up :) aw cute! love them. dropped us off at law's, we ate, played with mush, the usual. duh. thennnn we went to go on a walk to take pictures. went towards jake's house and saw her outside, so we told her to come with us. walked down clay pitts to the burned down houses across from hubbs and took 283479 pictures, ahahaaa. i think they came out great :D and i hope raeihle doesn't complain LOL. so that was interesting. then walked back to jake's, said bye and went to law's. ahahaha played with her new mac for a long time, obv you can tell by this picture. we were dying. then we watched tv and i did homework, WOO. ate dinner and then took a million more pictures ahaha. went home around 9. then i studied for math and global tomorrow and now i'm here! awww fun. idkkkk. actually happy with myself for once. sooo i guess, time for more naming.

kristina. it's funny, because i was going to say the same thing to you. i know i do so many things that would make anyone hate me. and sometimes i really feel like you want to kill me. but i appreciate you because you actually stay here. you don't let everything build up and then explode on me because i'm being the bad friend i know i am. that's why you're great. i miss being best friends. i mean, in 8th grade we knew each others life stories. but freshman year sucked for pretty much everyone. we weren't close anymore. i wasn't close with a lot of people. i don't get how i even got by. we both hated high school because of how far it drove everyone apart. you told me bits and pieces of the story every once in a while, and i get why. you couldn't just come out of nowhere and pour your heart out to me, and i'm sorry for that. i wish i could go back in time and make everything okay, for all of us. but now is better. i hope you realize that. i know i have my best friends and you have yours, but i hope you know that when i really say, my best friends, i'm talking about 4 people. you included. things have been changing and will be for a long time but i want us to stay the same. and ps. i'm sorry for that comment. i know i shouldn't disrespect you and your friends. i hope you forgive me.

jordan. i guess i'll just start off by saying that i miss you. i hate that two people can be sososo close, and then stop talking. you meant so much to me. hell, you still do. i'm always gunna care. i know our situation was weird. we let everything else get in the way of our feelings, maybe it was better that way? never know. but the point is, we didn't have to stop talking. i honestly just wish i knew how you've been lately. i know it's hard. actually, i don't know, but i have an idea. there's no way i could know your situation right now. but i wish i did. sometimes i don't know who to call, and you always come into my mind. but i always decide against it. it sucks because you are really a great kid and a great friend. i have a lot to thank you for. come back into my life soon, please? ):

that's a lot of writing for today. i'll stop now. xo.

347.

i don't know. today kinda sucked. really didn't do anything. not even my photo project, oh well. gunna walk around and do it tomorrow with law, hopefully. um idek. i've been having mood swings and anxiety and shit so much lately. kinda bad. i always feel kinda lame posting up on the internet that i cried but so what? this is my blog, my mind, deal with it. i've been bored for hours. but i know i won't sleep. whatttt else did i do today. oh, funtimes, read through all the old shit in my journal. i know just what to do to make myself more upset, don't i? i almost got the nerve to text you. but i feel so damn unimportant now. i just want to know how you are. i love when i write things down word for word in my journal though. like texts. it actually makes me smile. anyway. now it's past 10 and i think i'm gunna go watch tv soon or something. shiiiit. also, i think i might start on that naming thing. i'll only do a couple because i don't know if i can handle more than that. and just know that this isn't meant to hurt anyone.

tor. i love you to the moon and back, and i really agree with you. i miss you so much. and not just in the sense that i haven't seen you in a while. we still talk everyday and everything but i want it to be how it used to. i was looking through old pictures today, when we would all have a sleepover, literally every weekend. i really miss it. we don't make enough time for each other, and i'm seriously really sorry for that. but don't you ever think for a second that i'm not your best friend. you and law are all i need, remember? i love you so much and thank you for being everything i could ask of a best friend.

greg. i genuinely care about you but i rarely want to show it. i've accepted the fact that you will be in my life reguardless of what i do, and i'm okay with that. i'm glad we're friends. i didn't like when we didn't talk, it didn't feel right. but i want you to know that the things you do are not right. i would have a guilty conscience if i were you. my only advice is that you need to learn from your mistakes and your bad decisions. trust me.

heather. i really love you and i'm grateful to have you as a friend. but i'm concerned. you didn't have to tell me something was wrong, because i know. i can't stand seeing someone in pain. especially one of my close friends. i really want you to be okay. in anyway you can be. just know that i'll always be here if you need me.

think that's it for today. more tomorrow, or the next day.... yaknow. whenever i feel it.

346.

basically one of the greatest nights ever. sooo, beginning of the day kinda sucked. didn't know if i could go to the city with everyone for steph's 18th birthday. but eventually my parents said yes and i got ready. drove to massapequa and got there at 3:30. everyone was there by 4! there were 23 of us hahahaaa. all got on the coach bus :). the drive there was sooo fun, omg. dance parties, obviously. and being on a bus with all those girls seriously reminded everyone of europe. we even did a countoff ;) hahahaha. called greg to do johannes voice, OBV. omg sooo funny. got to the japanese restaurant right on time, 6:30. they were actually really nice and the food was good! LOL and btw, i forgot to mention. APPARENTLY there was a santa convention in nyc today. so seriously every other person was dressed like him, and elf, mrs. clause, reindeer, etc etc. it was SO FUNNY. we kept screaming at them and saying hi to everyone. so anyway. the window in the restaurant was big and clear so we saw everyone who passed. this group of santa people passed and steph ran outside because she wanted to take a picture with them. they decided to come inside and do it...? AHAHAHA THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO US. so they like sat down and talked to us, took pictures, and gave us candy canes...? UH. it was so fucking funny though. holy shit. after dinner, the bus picked us up and we drove around looking for a hookah bar. found one who let us in because steph was almost 18. kinda sketch but it's alright. chilled there for a little while but left eventually because they were being assholes and trying to rip us off. ohhhman. but yeah. thennn the bus picked us up and dropped us off in front of the coldstone in times square. ahhhh. so everyone got ice cream and crap, and the employees were so funny. they knew it was steph's birthday and they let her dance on the counters...? HAHAHAH omfg. so fucking great. this random group of guys came in and started screaming and dancing with her. ahahahah I CAN'T EVEN. we went outside coldstone and took group pictures, that's what today's is :) DW. this guy took them for us and then printed a bunch out and we paid for them. they're nice :D! anyway. after that we decided to walk around all of times square. SO fucking great, i seriously love this city. i changed my heels in the middle of everything because they hurt, ahahaha. me and steph started dancing and a circle formed, IT WAS WEIRD. but everyone got it on video so uhhh. YEAH. lmfao. then we walked to the red stepsss and steph took pictures with everyone one by one. "can i have a picture with you? you look SO beautiful." HAHA random nyc boys. yeah, that was interesting, and great. the best part was it wasn't even THAT cold. ahh wonderful. so we walked all over and crap, basically just being idiots. i love it. at 11:30 we walked back to the corner by coldstone and got back on the bus. finally left and had the BEST time on the bus ride back, everyone was crazy. ahahaha. the greatest. finally got back to steph's around 12:45. everyone left, sadddd. it was just me, steph, rachelle, tat and nicole and then mike picked me up. ahhhh so late, so tired. love tonight. bye <3.

345.

obviously my blog calls for some embarrassing pictures. tonight was definitely a fucking great end to a shitty week. school kinda sucked but 8th and 9th period were surprisingly good. after school, chilled with laura and natalie until laur went on the bus at 3. then walked home with nat. i miss hanging out with her a lot. fun times at my house, obviously. we ate eggs, soup, played with my cats, listened to music, had intense conversations, did homework, etc etc. finding out i have a lot in common with her. and also that her and heather were the only reasons i was happy in 8th grade. forever thankful for that. anyway. around 6:30 my mom drove us to paloma's :) izzzay answered cause loma was sleeping! but she woke upppp and we chilled. obviously funny times. talked, post-its, music. then we ate pizza :) yumyumyum. chilled more and then made embarrassing videos and took ...embarrassing pictures. obviously dressed up like men, as you see. crying of laughter the whole time. i love these girls. 2 of the funniest people i know, actually. i'm glad it was just us 3. i really liked that. AHAHAHAH loling at these videos. go on facebook and watch them. we're all so embarrassing. you love it. anyway. at 11, mike picked me and natalie up. went to dunkin donuts and got a hot chocolateee! then came home and those kids bounced on my trampoline. interesting. they leftttt. a little while ago i proceeded to spill said hot chocolate all over myself / desk / keyboard... LOL. hate my life. welllllll it's late, i should get to sleep. excited for tomorrow, if that actually happens...

344.

have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

sooo, yeah. the backpack full of stuff i should've studied tonight. but oh, you know me. sitting here waiting for my picture to send, i thought about some shit to do, to try to improve myself. at least as far as school goes. limiting my hours on computer/watching tv. intelligent, no? constant reminders, everywhere, to do what i'm supposed to. have some stuff in mind. i actually feel a little bit better. because, i mean, tonight was a prime example of what i'm fucking up. i sit and watch tv for hours, knowing i have shit to do but just don't care enough. then it's 11 and i go bullshit study for 20 minutes. yep, life. now it's 11:30. the line on the top of this means a lot right now. i have so many people to talk to but i feel so fucking alone, it's insane. i don't know. so many things i don't know, you have a point. shit, so many bad things today. there's one thing that tells me when i'm gunna cry, i hate when it happens. so much today. idk. i'd love to call it all stress. yeah, that's what i always say. i'm beginning to think it's something else. why would i sit in my room and cry all the time for reasons i can't even think of? i feel like a fucking idiot when i say i don't know. i feel so distant from everyone right now. i want tomorrow to be over so i can go to the city with steph and sam and everyone and fucking forget this. at least for a while. come sunday night i'll be beating myself up all over again. life is such a cycle. christmas makes me so depressed. fuck that. idk, idk, idk. i love how i come here to ramble. could be doing better things. on a positive note, i swear i'll start trying tomorrow. i'm sick of cheating on every test so i don't have to bullshit. and i still don't do well. every so often i'm so upset with who i've become that i can't even stand to think about myself. one of those times. i want to fucking be better. i'm glad i have you right now because not much else is making me smile. i have no idea what i'm doing tomorrow after school. hopefully i figure shit out. oh, and. on top of everything. ears are bleeding a disgusting amount. clearly infected. yep, life is perfect. peace.

ps. i miss you so much.

343.

today..... idk. kinda realized that i don't really have anything to be upset about. i'm trying to be better in school. i really am. but i know this isn't the best i can do. idk why i can't actually put everything into anything anymore. that's kinda bad. scared for my report card, just a little bit. mainly because i know that my chem dropped a lot. so did global probably. hopefully math went up. hopefully i can do better. i need to start actually caring. scared for after christmas break because the same thing that happened last year, might happen this year and that would really fucking blow. i can't be like that again, seriously. welllll, i sound like i'm in a bad mood? that's not good. i'm not in any mood. very nothing right now. been that way for the past few days. but that's probably not a good thing. oh but, i just had an idea. one day soon i'm going to be very truthful and open in my blog. i'm talking about naming names. i'm sick of sumblimital messages between everyone. i just want you to know how i feel. i may pussy out and not put names, idk yet. but i think i should. not to hurt anyone, of course. i mean, half the people i have in mind will never read it anyway. i just don't want to write paragraphs about "numbers" of people who will have to sit there and wonder, but never really know, which one they are. so yeah. that's my plan. but nowww, i think i'm going to go to bed early. who knows. xo.

ps. cut my bangs today. go me.

342.

i know i live in the past. but this is the day we met, and i miss you so much. so many things are reminding me of you, and idk. it just sucks how everything "ended," i guess. there weren't really any words of closure. kinda of an asshole move. but given your conditions, i understand. i really hope we talk again soon. i went over a year without talking to you last time, don't make me do it again :/. anyway. my life consists of reading and looking through old conversations, pictures, everything. old memories. that's what i'm doing today. and it's funny how today was the day you told me not to live in the past. i know you're right but what can i do? this is how i am. first of all, i'm sorry i wasn't myself today. i told you why but i know, it's hard to understand if you're not going through it. i'm just being dumb i guess. idk. before i go on, i'll tell you about my day. first of all, i woke up at 6:50. aka 40 minutes late. i don't know how i got to school on time, honestly. i even showered..... LOL. i don't know. start to a bad day, i guess. ears are killing me. the morning is so annoying. i don't get chem. got a 73 today, cool. i feel like an idiot in global. now i'm sorry i went into regular. i don't mean to sound self absorbed or anything like that, honestly, but i know that i possess so much more intelligence than a majority of that class. i could be in pre-ib. i'm kind of sorry i didn't challenge myself this year. because that made me work harder. i'm seriously doing so bad in school. ughhhh. idk. hung out with boy after school. don't worry, and don't be sorry. it's obviously me. you put me in such a good mood, so trust me, you did help. anyway. did my massive amounts of homework already, thank god. now i'm going through all my 365 pictures. it's insane how much has changed. like, literally insane. i know i've said this a million times, but i'm so glad i can remember everything about a full year of my life. because, you know me. i'm all about remembering. xo.

341.

aaaah. well, the good part of today. my picture. yeah, it's not every day your favorite band announces the release date of a new full length. holy shit, love my life much? :) i was kinda freaking out. anyway. the rest of today was kinda shitty, idk. school is starting to get unbearable. i don't get shit and i'm doing so bad. worse than any other year, ever. it just makes me really mad. today was the first time this year i cried of stress. not the only time today, though. :/ idk. i fucking think way too much. well, i'll try to put this in order. school put me in a bad mood. came home too late, went on the computer too long. and you said something to me. i could not tell you why i cried after. i know it wasn't just simply what you said, maybe i just started thinking about us. that's been upsetting me lately, and idk why. ugh. why am i so dumb sometimes? anyway. tried to go do homework, which i don't understand. ever. kept falling asleep. then i woke up in a bad mood because my mom was yelling at me for sleeping? idk. ate dinner and now this. i still have to study for spanish but whatever. it just seems to me like whenever i'm in a bad mood, i think of everything possible to put me in a worse mood. it sucks that i'm like this. i feel like i'm such an obnoxious person, people i think like me actually don't, idk why i'm so paranoid. i know i don't give a shit what people think of me, but i do if i like them, you know? i don't want to be one of those people you act nice to on the outside but once i leave, i'm shittalked. i feel like that happens all the time and i couldn't tell you why. i know i'm annoying sometimes... a lot of the time, but idk? idk anything. i'm just in a bad mood today. at least sba made me smile with his little twitter countdown. oh and, you gotta believe video! it is honestly fucking adorable. i love how dedicated he is to his fans that he wanted to put everyone possible in his video. ded. iloveyou. welllll uh. my arm is killing me and so are my eyes. cool shit. i might edit later? :/.

edit. it's 11pm. i just streched my ears to 0g, finally. they're pretty much killing, my ears fucking hate me. but whatever. ummm. don't know why you flip over the slightest thing. you act like it's my fault, when it's no one's. idkkk. idk, ever. whatev. holy fuck my ears hurt. they're swollen and like, pulsating pain. shittt. well, uh. probably gunna go to sleep soon. which may or may not work...LOL. peace.

340.

uhhh. came home from jake's around 1:30. showered, got ready. took pictures for my photo project, obv. thennn idk? chilled. david picked me up around 5:30 and we chilled for a couple hours. adventures, driving around, blasting music, obviously. love him. now i'm home, and bored. watching tv in a little. fuck school tomorrow. kinda in a bad mood and i don't know why. maybe it's from talking about you so much lately. you need to get out of my head. i typed life out of habit. but i don't want that. if anything, i miss you. but who you used to be to me. fuck, that was really stupid to say. no deleting. what am i doing right now........

339.

ohhh, rain. well, first part of today was boring. showered, got ready and whatnot. homework, laundry. then connor came over because he's going to the city for the show with mike and jess. they left, i finished my laundry, packed, and then went to jakelyn's! sammy, jake, laura and kristina were thereee :) then tor came and then caylin! haven't hung out with all of them in a very, very long time. too long. i miss in 8th grade when that was our main group and we were basically inseperable. we watched tv, talked, went on the computer, whatevvvv. jim was talking to jake's parents and offered to drive us to applebee's so we all didn't have to cram into a small car (we always do anyway LOL) but yeah. he drove the 6 of us there. our host, omg, i love you. LOL alexxx. "HOST...PERIOD." "she doesn't get us like you do." "I TOOK A BELL." hahahahaha, holy shit. i missed these children. we were basically retarded and harassed everyone, stole cups and knifes... the usual. obv. oh and. yeah, my life. I KINDA DIED A LITTLE. i didn't even really wanna believe you were there. i don't know.... LOL. anyway, whatev dudeee. jake's mom and dad picked us up and we fit 6 people in the back of a small car. don't ask us how we always do it, but we do. LMFAO. went to blockbuster but kristina and caylin went home =[. waaaaa. we got the ugly truth! and then her parents came back and we went to jake's house. stayed up forever and eventually watched the movie, which was really really good. but basically defines why all hope with men is lost, LOL. life. this is the latest i've stayed up in a while, holy crap. i love these girls. xo.

338.

school was ........ IDK today. complete mindfuck, if i do say so. math test was surprisingly easy. chem was canceled but i have no idea what's going on anyway. spanish was easy. global essay was easy. so whatever. but really, honestly, EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL IS RETARDED. i know it was only because i'm quiet in gym and because of your assumptions. fuck you. honestly. fuck you. yeah, it's funny because everyone's so dumb but it seriously fucking makes me mad. get over it. don't judge me. and definitely don't go to faculty about something you're not fucking sure about. get your facts fucking straight before you go telling everyone you know. if she hadn't told me not to, i'd confront you in a second. you know what, i'll probably do it anyway. thanks for telling your friends, that's cute too! and you think i won't find out. you're fucking stupid. ANYWAY. despite that, today was sooo good. after school, waited with paloma, izzy and brendan for mama becerra! went to their house with everyone, made post its, african tribal videos? LOL you know, the usual. pictures and shit. yupppp. then ate pretzals, watched mcfly videos forever. brendan left and went to erin fatroll's around 6:30! stephhhh was der! yayayay! obviously the best time ever with them, as always. i seriously love being around people who can make me laugh no matter what. took a million pictures and videos and all that crap. love life. it's almost midnight now, i got home a little while ago. i have nothing to do tomorrow morning/afternoon, CHANGE THAT. ummmm LOL gay. okay bye :)!

337.

throwbackkkk! second one in the history of my blog. and this is only because, today is michael carden's birthday. thank you for being one of the most inspirational people i know. i love youuu! and hope to see you soon. sooo, today was okayyy. still in this weird mood. idk. today, i came to another realization! something that goes along with my memory.. i over analyze and over think everything. it's annoying sometimes... idk. i don't really have a lot to say today, i guess. i have 4 tests tomorrow.... really? also, onemonthago. seeeee, i seriously always remember. anyway. one more thing. the starting line in 27 days. this is me lovingggg my life :). i might edit later, it's only 9:30! xo.

336.

hi kiana! chem was fun today because we basically did nothing for 2 periods. taking pictures of each other? LOL. school was weird today. idk. weird mood lately. but it's whatev. came home with law, we chilled for a bit with mike. she left at 4 and then i watched tv and tried to do homework. realized something and wrote it down, hopefully i can read that sometime in the future and remember how important it is. after i finished homework, went downstairs and ate. chilled with mike. then erik and henry came over, chillllled. then we decided to go to the mall! "I'M A BACKWARDS KANGAROO!" probably the best quote of the night. got home a little while ago after a 7-11 stop and then erik and hen left. i don't feel like writing a lot right now but i know i will because there's just too much going on in my head. you know how this goes. rambling. well, idk. been thinking so much lately. and remembering. i realized that today, too... dates. i remember every single one. well yeah, i knew that, but today i realized to what extent that exactly goes to. it's insane. anything even slightly important in my life, i remember the date. kinda crazy. people ask me how i remember but the truth is, i can't forget. it's like when something happens, it doesn't leave my mind. i wrote a lot about that in my journal today. wrote random dates and random events. and i know why i do it. i want to remember. i live in the past. and i know that's not good but i can't help it. i love thinking about, hey, one year ago right now, i know what i was doing. or even a week ago right now. i can't really find a way to explain it that will make any sort of sense to anyone. it's the same with dates of shows and people's birthdays. i just remember. anyway. moving on. i could write a million and one things about you, but i'll try to make this as simple as possible. i love you. you know that. and i trust you, hopefully not wrongfully. maybe i just made up that word. but anyway. it's not your fault. it's the past. i'm just so careful and hesitant because of what has happened. don't think in any way that it's you, because it's completely me. it's not fair of me to accuse you of something just because i'm paranoid about it. but i'm still going to be cautious, always. i can't stand when you hurt me. which is more than you think. and yeah, i forgive you. why shouldn't i? everyone's ridiculous sometimes. everyone says shit when they're mad that they don't mean. everyone fights and don't even pretend like you don't know that. and maybe i'm too forgiving sometimes but what am i supposed to do? stop talking to you? sometimes you think that's the solution but i know it's not. let me tell you something. so i read one of those gay "what a boyfriend should do" things, and i can honestly say you do most of it. it was actually weird because that's never been the case. i don't want to rant about bad things. there are so many things that i love about you. no one knows or sees that. at least not yet. idk. wow, i didn't fucking rant. eh. i could go on, but i won't.well, i'm gunna go watch the making of bryce's new video, and smile until my face hurts. obviously. so qt how he shot it in long island :). if i had a good quality recording camera, i totally would've made something for the video. but i'm sure it will be amazing! it's almost 11 so i should go. bye :) xo.

335.

LOL. i love my brother to death. school was okaaay today, kinda stressed about chem and photo though :/. oh well. chillllled after school and then did homework. went out with mike around 6 and after we came back, went out again. random driving around. went to best buy, and then toys r us by the mall? hahahaaaa and went to the mall 20 minutes before it closed, obviously... LOL. oh and harrassed some shithead with a million stickers on the back of his car. "HE FLASHED HIS DAMN LIGHTS AT US." i love hanging out with mike. we can both make each other laugh so much, it's great. i'm so glad we're as close as we used to be, because some of last year was kinda shitty. but yeah. back to telling him everything and anything and just being dumb together. mike, i love you a lot :) gunna go hang out wif him more now! bye :) xo.

334.

today is ...uninteresting. i really dislike school on mondays, especially after 4 days off. ughasfhj. really tired in school. got a 70 in chem, cool. i really don't try anymore, and it's a problem. i want to be better. ANYWAYS, HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND ON THE PLANET :) i love youuuuu tur. and so does jcook.....obv because he DM'd you. yayayay! i'll put a picture when i'm done wif my homework, KBYE.

edit. probably the only semi-normal picture laura and i took today when she was here. lmfao. love best friend. anyway. finished my homework, don't feel like studying for global. fuckkk. i need to do better in school.... thank you for helping me realize that. shit. gotta take 50+ pictures for photo tomorrow... well, before friday. shitttt. um. idkkk. so, tomorrow is december 1st. officially the last month of my 365.... holy crap. never thought i'd even make it this far. that's crazy. i'm so glad i did this. until tomorrow! xo.

333.

today's a boring day so far. laur left early, as usual LOL. i showered and actually did my global homework. now my dad is fucking annoying me, COOL. someone hang out with me today, i don't want to be here. and i don't want school tomorrow. ughhh. i'll edit later.

edit. umm. boring ass day. decided to edit a picture i took today? blogger probably killed the quality. eh. TSL lyrics, my favorite at the moment. i absolutely cannot fucking wait to see them next month for their reunion show in philly. i love everyone. anyway. i'm gunna go watch tv or something. eh. peace.

332.

interesting day, LOL. kso, woke up at 5am... uhm. LIFE. left around 6 for ny. only made one stop... again. actually made it home by 10am, DAHALE. so thennn, i went with my mom to pick up the cats, then came home and showered. laur came right after that! aww, missed her. we chilled, went on a walk, fun timesss. haha. talked about everything. kinda hate everyone. anyway. we were freezing and numb and my ankle was bleeding??? so we went back to my house. LOL. got ready and crap, ate pizza, made tor's cardsss. then at 6:30 mama ah drove us to bestfriend's house :D awww, happy birthday! i love you :). hung out with everyone, tor, laur, sammy, jess, emily, sarah, jen, yayyy! listened to music and whatnot, good times :) i love the people i surround myself withhh. anyway. johnny and tom picked me, laur, sammy and jess up at 10:30. drove around for a little and then went to friendly's. more people cameee and yeah! fun times. even though like 4 people ate LOL. it was midnight so i had to be home soooon. johnny (hubz!) dropped laur and i off at my house. mike, jess and chris are here! i haven't seen chris in forevevever, missed him. i'm glad everyone's home for thanksgiving and will be home for a long time when christmas comes :). sooo laur's sleeping over, yayayay! i love life. ps. you're so ridiculous sometimes. all i do is try, and forgive you a hundred times. yeah, everyone fights. believe me. it's not the end of the world. love.

331.

today wasn't eventful at all. it's so cold in pennsylvania. went black friday shopping for a little, only spent 40 bucks. waking up at 5am tomorrow to drive home... hate my life. ummm BYE.

330.

happy thanksgiving! i'll edit later :)

edit. soooo. uh. thanksgiving never is perfect for me. there's always something/someone missing. don't get me wrong, i enjoyed some things about today. but overall, there were more bad things than good. idk. had thanksgiving lunch at 2pm. it was only me, my mom, my aunt, 2 cousins, and my abuela. food was good, even though i really only ate mashed potatoes. idk. things just piss me off. i wish mike was here. it would've been better. around holidays, i never feel like i have as much fun as i should. that might seem selfish of me, but really, can't i ask for that? to be honest, all my holidays kind of suck. just once, i want to have a traditional one. where there are no problems and no one's an asshole and i can enjoy it just like every other kid does. it sucks that i have to leave my house in order to even have a holiday. whatever. i'm thankful for everything i do have. that's what this day is all about, right? i remember last thanksgiving, my blog. i don't think i complained that much. it just sucks because now, all i think about is how thanksgiving 3 years ago was the last time i saw him. i miss you tio. rip. anyway. more complaining, i guess. i didn't want to let you hurt me again, but you always do. i know you have your reasons and you apoligize in the end, but why do you have to do this all the time? do you even realize how much it hurts? especially when i call you to actually talk and you tell me nothing's wrong. don't bullshit me, you called me at 2am for a reason. i just want everything to be okay. i feel like i'm the only one trying when it comes to problems. you just want to give up, i'm the one who doesn't let you. this means a lot to me. just think about the things you say before you actually say them. well, i hope everyone's day was better than mine. thanks for the texts. i love you all. xo.

ps. today's picture is the sky at sunset. pennsylvania is so beautiful sometimes.

329.

sooo, fun times. pictures when i get home, btw. so, school. 1st, 2nd and 3rd i had tests. COOL~ so then, spanish was a joke, LOL. after spanish, went to my locker, walked to lunch and got a bagel, and then left schooool. WOO! went home, and helped my mom cook everything for tomorrow. chilled wif mike and then packed everything for PA. FINALLY left at 3, dropped cats off at the vet, etc. thennn drove to the bronx to pick up my abuela. funtimes. drove forevevevever and only made one stop, in upstate ny. that's where the picture's from. actually made it to my tia's house around 9. brought all the stuff in and now we're chilling. i forgot they have a computer! wooo. so, uh. tomorrow is thanksiving! i'm excited :) yummm food. k uhhh. it's late so i'ma go! bye :D

328.

two of my closest friends :) i love them. today was good! i enjoyed it. i love how i try not to talk about you in my blogs, LOL. idk. but anyway. tomorrow is the last day of school before break. sooo glad. need that. leaving school after 4th so i can help my momma and then drive to pennsylvania! i hate you, long island, bye <3.

327.

finally. computer is fixed. love my life. and you. (:

326.

uhhhh, today was pretty okay, i guess. except for one thing. i'm so tired of you bitching at me... i do so much, shove it. anyway... kinda boring day. sat in my room, blasted adtr, put up some new posters. got new couches? LOL. love life. nothing really exciting about my life, ever. sundays are usually all the same.

325.

i love you and i truly want to see you all the time. i don't know what's so different about you but it's so much better than it has been with anyone else. don't sweat the small things, it's fine. i wish i wasn't the way i am and i could actually say something really meaningful to you. eh. like i always say. as long as we're happy. <3.

I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into.

edit. wow, tonight was the best one in a while. the whole day was dumb, whatevahhh. ate some food and then went to the becerra household around 5:30. hung out with paloma, izzy, katrina, erin and emily! funtimessss. izzy and i went on stickam, what a joke LOL. obviously were funny people... tried leaving a million videos for people but that didn't really work out. went downstairs, watched tv, etc. ate dinner! twas gooood. by that time, my fucking sides hurt from laughing so much. i can't. thennn, decided to play quelf again. LMFAO best shit. that game is seriously the funniest. i love these nightsss, oh man. seriously the best. also, i love our conversations, dude. i can completely be myself no matter what and i love it. thank you for being you. i love tonight. xo.

324.

love today. school was alright, i enjoy how i genuinely want to see you all the time :). anyway, after school i finished my math test, woo, then went home. got ready and then 3:28 train to penn station. got food there, then walked to 27th street. went to the sample sale, kinda got 530$ worth of clothes for free..... i love life sometimes. my dad's profession comes in handy. i appreciate it a lot that he went through the trouble of bringing me and everything. anyway. went back to penn at 6:30, had pizza, then 6:53pm train home. i love trains, idk. love life! got home at 8 and then picked up laur. we took a walk and talked about everything, like we always do. ate and became obese, as usual. she's sleeping overrrrr. chris jung and nick are also here right now, so great. i miss jungie so much, it's insane. i love you gurrrrl! anyway, i'm mad tired. going to sleep soon. i love today! and i love you. xo.