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hi kiana! chem was fun today because we basically did nothing for 2 periods. taking pictures of each other? LOL. school was weird today. idk. weird mood lately. but it's whatev. came home with law, we chilled for a bit with mike. she left at 4 and then i watched tv and tried to do homework. realized something and wrote it down, hopefully i can read that sometime in the future and remember how important it is. after i finished homework, went downstairs and ate. chilled with mike. then erik and henry came over, chillllled. then we decided to go to the mall! "I'M A BACKWARDS KANGAROO!" probably the best quote of the night. got home a little while ago after a 7-11 stop and then erik and hen left. i don't feel like writing a lot right now but i know i will because there's just too much going on in my head. you know how this goes. rambling. well, idk. been thinking so much lately. and remembering. i realized that today, too... dates. i remember every single one. well yeah, i knew that, but today i realized to what extent that exactly goes to. it's insane. anything even slightly important in my life, i remember the date. kinda crazy. people ask me how i remember but the truth is, i can't forget. it's like when something happens, it doesn't leave my mind. i wrote a lot about that in my journal today. wrote random dates and random events. and i know why i do it. i want to remember. i live in the past. and i know that's not good but i can't help it. i love thinking about, hey, one year ago right now, i know what i was doing. or even a week ago right now. i can't really find a way to explain it that will make any sort of sense to anyone. it's the same with dates of shows and people's birthdays. i just remember. anyway. moving on. i could write a million and one things about you, but i'll try to make this as simple as possible. i love you. you know that. and i trust you, hopefully not wrongfully. maybe i just made up that word. but anyway. it's not your fault. it's the past. i'm just so careful and hesitant because of what has happened. don't think in any way that it's you, because it's completely me. it's not fair of me to accuse you of something just because i'm paranoid about it. but i'm still going to be cautious, always. i can't stand when you hurt me. which is more than you think. and yeah, i forgive you. why shouldn't i? everyone's ridiculous sometimes. everyone says shit when they're mad that they don't mean. everyone fights and don't even pretend like you don't know that. and maybe i'm too forgiving sometimes but what am i supposed to do? stop talking to you? sometimes you think that's the solution but i know it's not. let me tell you something. so i read one of those gay "what a boyfriend should do" things, and i can honestly say you do most of it. it was actually weird because that's never been the case. i don't want to rant about bad things. there are so many things that i love about you. no one knows or sees that. at least not yet. idk. wow, i didn't fucking rant. eh. i could go on, but i won't.well, i'm gunna go watch the making of bryce's new video, and smile until my face hurts. obviously. so qt how he shot it in long island :). if i had a good quality recording camera, i totally would've made something for the video. but i'm sure it will be amazing! it's almost 11 so i should go. bye :) xo.