my good luck charm. i wore it for every test. my last one was today. it's fucking summer. holy shit, i'm so happy. so relieved. i don't have to deal with school. for a while. ahhh life is wonderful. so law and i left our regents at 10 and went back to my house. she was here until 4 and i swear, i haven't cried so much from laughing in a long time. so much funny shit. love best friend. walked her half way and haven't been really doing anything since. of course. chilling with her later with faye, nick, alanna and chrissy! going to be such a fucking funny night. wonderful way to start summer. anyway. today kinda gave me a weird feeling. idk what it is but something feels wrong. i'm not gunna say anything, though, in hopes that i somehow get through to you. hopefully you realize how much i really care. so. i'm gunna go eat french toast now. excited for this entire summer. xo.
ps. this is something that you should always remember. i hope you find your way back to the good side of life. everyone has struggles but you don't deserve this many.
edit. i'm so done with everything right now. why the fuck am i so upset? all this minor shit on top of each other, i guess. i don't know. i'm done bothering people, i wish i fucking didn't. and i wish people weren't so fucking stupid. i wish i wasn't pissed off all the time. i want to be a good person. what the fuck, let's not have a pity party. but i am sitting here alone at 10:30pm on the first night of summer. i don't know why i came here because i can't even figure out why i'm upset. i sound fucking insane. but really... people fucking suck. i hate liars and hypocrites. you make me think i'm the one with the problem. how if i weren't so shitty, maybe you wouldn't have to do this to me. but it's not me. it's you. you're right when you say how shitty are. i'm not gunna say you're never shitty but at least i care. did that even make sense? i don't even care anymore. this has affected my life so much. whether you know it or not. and no, it's not an "excuse" for shit like you said. it's not. you hurt me and continue to do so in more ways than one. i just want everything to be okay. i want you to feel okay about yourself and the same for me. what the fuck am i even saying right now. i'm a total hypocrite when it comes to you but there are just so many sides to this. i don't know. there have been times where i was in love with you. times where i hated you. times where i wanted to be with you. times where i went months without talking to you. times where i missed you. times where i wish you were dead. it's all so fucking confusing but all i know is that i care so fucking much. i don't know what to do with myself. i don't know. don't know what else to say. atleast i have my friends. atleast it's summer. but god, was this a horrible way to start. hi major hypocrite. what the fuck ever.
ps. this is something that you should always remember. i hope you find your way back to the good side of life. everyone has struggles but you don't deserve this many.
edit. i'm so done with everything right now. why the fuck am i so upset? all this minor shit on top of each other, i guess. i don't know. i'm done bothering people, i wish i fucking didn't. and i wish people weren't so fucking stupid. i wish i wasn't pissed off all the time. i want to be a good person. what the fuck, let's not have a pity party. but i am sitting here alone at 10:30pm on the first night of summer. i don't know why i came here because i can't even figure out why i'm upset. i sound fucking insane. but really... people fucking suck. i hate liars and hypocrites. you make me think i'm the one with the problem. how if i weren't so shitty, maybe you wouldn't have to do this to me. but it's not me. it's you. you're right when you say how shitty are. i'm not gunna say you're never shitty but at least i care. did that even make sense? i don't even care anymore. this has affected my life so much. whether you know it or not. and no, it's not an "excuse" for shit like you said. it's not. you hurt me and continue to do so in more ways than one. i just want everything to be okay. i want you to feel okay about yourself and the same for me. what the fuck am i even saying right now. i'm a total hypocrite when it comes to you but there are just so many sides to this. i don't know. there have been times where i was in love with you. times where i hated you. times where i wanted to be with you. times where i went months without talking to you. times where i missed you. times where i wish you were dead. it's all so fucking confusing but all i know is that i care so fucking much. i don't know what to do with myself. i don't know. don't know what else to say. atleast i have my friends. atleast it's summer. but god, was this a horrible way to start. hi major hypocrite. what the fuck ever.
1 comment:
bah! i'm so sad i wasn't home when faye called :(
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