162.

i really don't know what relevance the picture has to today. i guess, i need a light right now. i don't know. i'm just so tired of everything. everyone. i try so hard but it's like i don't try at all. i've acknowledged that i am a horrible person, and a horrible friend. constant reminders of that. but i am numb. i don't know what else to do. i don't ever know how to make things right and it kills me. i can't even concentrate on anything. no one fucking understands me, and it's bad because i just seem insane. i fucking am. whatever. i hate everyone. once again, my life hits a turning point, and everything goes downhill. i thought i was actually happy. but i guess it was just a front, as more and more shit piled on. i haven't cried in a while, and i did tonight. i will again, thinking about all of this. it's kind of pathetic. i don't finish my homework anymore. i don't study. i don't even try. this summer was supposed to be amazing. but how can it be if i don't have all of my best friends by my side? i just... don't know what to do or say to make anything right anymore. i want to change. i need to. and i'm trying. but it's apparently getting me no where. i just care so much. but i guess that side never shows. i'm too busy being an asshole. i'm glad i have one person that understands. without that person i don't know what the fuck i would do. i wish everyone could be as strong as us. we've fucking made it through everything. we stick together. and i appreciate you more than anyone could ever fucking know. i don't know how to tell you how much i love you for always being there, again and again when i need it. you are the one who has never failed me. i don't think we've ever failed each other. i just thank you so much for being a friend. um. i don't know. i was planning on making this short. but it just came out. and i don't delete. i don't want to lose anyone that i love. god, i love you all so much. please don't leave.

when i'm down, i'll hold my head up high, cause you're the reason why.