
the endless amount of shit i have to do for school. aren't the 4 years of high school supposed to be the best years of your life? um, well. i don't even have a lot of time here to write. but today i thought about something. you're walking with your friend and they say, hey, how's life? or just a random adult, asking you, hey, how are you? "good." is the initially word that comes to mind, no? i'm no exception. i answer without any thought. but, what if i said, "actually, i feel like crying right now. everything that could possible go wrong, is doing so. i just wish everything would go away." how would someone react? oh, if only they knew.
edit. so, it was actually possible for things to get worse. i don't know what to do but cry. here it goes; i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to change how you feel. i don't know how to change how anyone feels. this just scares me so much. you're my best fucking friend and i don't know what to do without you. i need you and i'm crying the most over this because it matters the most to me. if all of my other problems didn't make me realize how much i need my friends, this one did. i'd do anything to fix this. fucking anything, but i just don't know what to do. i can't just sit here and watch as we "drift apart" as you say will happen. i can't do it. i don't know how to stop it. i don't know what to say. what the fuck, i don't even know what i'm thinking anymore. i hope i sound desperate because that's how i feel. i don't want to go to school tomorrow.
edit 2. "i wish people said things to me about how they feel before everything builds up and then falls down at once. i don't know what to say or do to make up for my actions. i don't know what else to do except sit here and cry. at some point i started thinking i was a better person than i used to be, but now that i know how everyone feels, that is clearly not true. i just regret ever hurting anyone. but i don't know anymore."
edit. so, it was actually possible for things to get worse. i don't know what to do but cry. here it goes; i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to change how you feel. i don't know how to change how anyone feels. this just scares me so much. you're my best fucking friend and i don't know what to do without you. i need you and i'm crying the most over this because it matters the most to me. if all of my other problems didn't make me realize how much i need my friends, this one did. i'd do anything to fix this. fucking anything, but i just don't know what to do. i can't just sit here and watch as we "drift apart" as you say will happen. i can't do it. i don't know how to stop it. i don't know what to say. what the fuck, i don't even know what i'm thinking anymore. i hope i sound desperate because that's how i feel. i don't want to go to school tomorrow.
edit 2. "i wish people said things to me about how they feel before everything builds up and then falls down at once. i don't know what to say or do to make up for my actions. i don't know what else to do except sit here and cry. at some point i started thinking i was a better person than i used to be, but now that i know how everyone feels, that is clearly not true. i just regret ever hurting anyone. but i don't know anymore."
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