wow. today was fucking horrible. it's fucking bad when i'm crying in school. i just hate the world. why the fuck does everyone suck so much? my anger level went through the roof all day. i'm loosing friends, i'm loosing trust and i'm loosing you. and i don't even know what to do about it. 1. i love you, plain and simple. what the fuck? that's so weird to say. i'm getting upset over this and i don't think you would understand. atleast you noticed, though. i know you care. and for that i am forever thankful. but i just don't know what to do at this point. 2. you think you're amazing at helping me with my problems, don't you? you fucking suck at it. thanks for nothing. 3. what is your problem? are you stressed or something? because i could understand that. but you're just being completely unreasonable. so maybe i am a bitch sometimes. but you have no right to put all of this on me at once. i don't know what you want me to say. yes, i'm sorry, and yes, i mean it. you keep saying i don't care but you just don't get that i care and i want to make things better but i just don't know how. it took me so long to fix the person i used to be. i know i'm not perfect but you're asking a lot of me. especially right now. 4. why the fuck are you so immature? do you realize how old you are? i don't think you do. normal people aren't like that. and GOOD JOB talking about her and basically showing it to her. like, really? you're just awesome. this is ridiculous. are you really willing to risk all these friendships... for what? what, a damn boy? what the fuck. grow up. 5. get the fuck out of here. now. i'm not a jealous person and i'm not jealous of you. i'm just hurt. by both of your actions. but anyway. your life sucks. alright, enough of that. i've been listening to heartless and the danger in starting a fire by a day to remember all fucking day. heartless is just cuarto's pissed off song. and i love danger. i love the lyrics. they may not exactly apply here. but. I will never falter, I'll stand my ground.You're a fake, a worthless coward. Your life won't mean anything. Let's set things striaght, what's done is done. I never needed you. Tell me, exactly who do you think you're kidding? Everyone will be happy when they find that you're missing. You asked if we'd ever forget you. We've got our fingers crossed, our fingers crossed. so i don't fucking know. i don't know how to fix this shit. i don't know how to make people magically not mad at me. i have to take action if i want change. but right now, i just don't give a fuck. and i just don't know what to do about you. for now, i guess i'll just sit back and see what happens. i don't want to hear anything about you two, though. i don't want to see that side. i'd rather stick to ignorance if it means being happier. i'm glad you care and that's enough for me right now. i really just need someone to understand.
edit. this is a week from hell. they always say things will get worse before they get better. how much fucking worse can this be? you know what? i think i need to say something so everyone can fucking know. that this is what i feel. dear whoever, how the fuck are you? does it feel better without me there? without us there? you have played a significant roll in my life and i'd like to think that means something. nothing should be ripped apart because of something that we don't understand. no, we don't hang out as much as we used to. but times change and people change and that is something that you fucking know. you've changed too. EVERYTHING did. and you know it. maybe i took you for granted, because you were always there. but i'm not going to be the one crawling back to you every time with an apology. maybe this isn't even my fucking place to talk, who knows. but what i do know is that your pretenses are wrong. you've made assumptions about us and proved that assumptions are never right. i don't even feel like finishing this nicely. you all need to fucking shut the hell up. shove all your accusations down your fucking throat because i am sick & tired of this. you have your reasoning but so do we. give us fucking leverage. this isn't going to work if we don't try.
edit. this is a week from hell. they always say things will get worse before they get better. how much fucking worse can this be? you know what? i think i need to say something so everyone can fucking know. that this is what i feel. dear whoever, how the fuck are you? does it feel better without me there? without us there? you have played a significant roll in my life and i'd like to think that means something. nothing should be ripped apart because of something that we don't understand. no, we don't hang out as much as we used to. but times change and people change and that is something that you fucking know. you've changed too. EVERYTHING did. and you know it. maybe i took you for granted, because you were always there. but i'm not going to be the one crawling back to you every time with an apology. maybe this isn't even my fucking place to talk, who knows. but what i do know is that your pretenses are wrong. you've made assumptions about us and proved that assumptions are never right. i don't even feel like finishing this nicely. you all need to fucking shut the hell up. shove all your accusations down your fucking throat because i am sick & tired of this. you have your reasoning but so do we. give us fucking leverage. this isn't going to work if we don't try.
2 comments:
my mouth was open the whole time reading this, i love you kiddy
so dus abellz
LOL AT TOR ^ BUT OMG
LONGEST POST EVER.
HAHHAH I LOVE YOU.
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