71.

today was okay. this is me and michael out for ice cream this afternoon. trips with him are always the best. whenever i start a blog i'm thinking to myself, this one will be short, i don't even feel like writing. but then it just pours out. the past 2 days have been so .. idek. weird. confusing. self-conflicting. i don't know. it just sucks. i'm falling back into my old habits. both with my daily activities and how i talk to people. i never wanted to be like this. it's fucking stupid and i don't know why i can't just change. i'd always blame it on you but i know it's not all your fault. i was fucked to begin with. you might not have realized it, you still might not have, but the change you made in me was radical. every feeling and thought that occurred in me was exemplified and worsened. i tell this to myself and other people but i just can't tell you. what am i even afraid of anymore? you can't affect me. atleast that's what i need to believe. i just wish it would just stop. you, my friend, were once my only regret. i try not to have them but somehow i just can't get around this one. i'm not obsessive or whatever people think. you just changed me in a way that i could never describe. i wish i was the better person i hoped to be. i don't know. you fucked up my past and maybe even my present, but i'll be DAMNED if you fuck up my future. goodbye.

edit. maybe i overreact sometimes. you make me smile on your good days. don't disregard that up there, i still feel it. but maybe we can be better.