304.

one of the best nights in a long time. this halloween was really good, thanks to these people. love you all, and maybe i'll edit with details later.

303.

really great day. but i'm so wiped right now. i'll write later. <3!

edit. so, today was "halloween" in school. even though it's actually saturday. well, woke up really late. still pissed about that. 7:01am to be exact. latest i've even woke up this year, cool? just happened to be on halloween, when i was supposed to be in school 20 minutes early to meet up with natalie and heather. whatev. i was half an hour late to math, lolz. saw paloma and izzy before i got to class, they are brilliant, obv. math was so annoying, i pm missed everything she taught lmao. so during break, me and nat ran to the bathroom, heather met up with us and i drew whiskers on all of us and we put our hats on. sooo yay! we were all max, the little boy from where the wild things are :) cute! 2nd was another math period, basically a study hall. i learned whatever we were doing and then did the homework. she WOULD give us hw over halloween weekend, but i finished it. 3rd was chem, that was interesting. i love kiana for being lady gaga. ahahaha. 4th was interesting, me and heather were in spanish. 5th was amamamazing. ahahah, lunch! paloma is the best clown ever, obv. kristina was qt as hale :)! and jakelyn is.... jakelyn. lmfao. LOVEYOU. jam was super creepy and took pictures of them? oh. LOL. and lunch is when today's picture was taken. many pictures taken ahaha. yaaay. so funny lmfao. seniors rollerskating around, why? i love halloween lmfao. 6th was study halllll with laur! always the best. photo was fucking amazing. me, nat and heather sit next to each other. all period, we took pictures with everyone, and yeppp! 'twas great. 8th was bullshit, we went to the library for global butttt i was with nat, jakes and alyssa! and mulley LOLOLOL. ded. then went to english, wif heatherrr. all the periods were shortened, btw, because we had a shelter drill at the end of 9th period. fun times. ahahah yes, crowded in the aux gym on halloween is a good idea. duh. sooo, anyway. stayed after to go take my math test, which i legitimately failed. the entire back was blank, because i just have no idea. LOL. shit. thennn walked around with kiana, found natalie, got food, and other adventures. someone took my clandestine hoodie that i've had for 2 years and they don't make them anymore? i'm so fucking pissed. hate everyone. who even does that?????? ugh. well, went home around 3:30. chilled, took a nap. then i took a shower at 6 and got ready for alyssa's sweet 16! left at 7, picked up rachelle and tatiana, and then TRIED to find the place. LOL good thing we were an hour late because we got lost..... idek what was going on. the party was so much fun, though. got to see sam, steph, kaleen, kate, greg, bryan, stef, etc etc! euro friends, basicalllllly. we even got a candle! it was qt :)! i miss europe so much, damn. danced a lot and it was really funny, i really love all those people. especially smelly :) anywaysss, party ended at midnight! said bye to everyone, and then drove rachelle and tatiana home. got home at 1am, fun times! i basically loved today. a lot.

ps. i've been meaning to do this for a while, and i want to right now. i don't know why, but it feels like a good time.
1. we've known each other for 3 years this december, and i want you to know i don't regret anything. if we never broke up, who knows what would've happened. i'm glad we still talk sometimes and that you don't hate me for some random reason.
2. i could go on forfuckingever about you. do you realize how in love with you i was? for the longest time? this january is 4 years since we met. you were honestly my best friend. you are the perfect guy. you're sweet, caring, considerate, funny, cute, and i honestly can't think of one bad thing about you. you helped me with literally everything, and i could call you at all hours of the night and you would pick up, no matter what. and you'd never be mad. you only got mad when i didn't call you. you were always there. and there are no words to say how much i miss that. i haven't seen you in a year, 3 months and 18 days. yeah, still remember the date. i remember dates, it's my thing. but the thing is, i haven't talked to you in almost a year, either. usually, things wouldn't be like that. but you hate me for some reason. i really wish you didn't ignore me so maybe i could know why. but i just want you to realize how much i miss you and how much i love you. i'll never forget all the shit you've done for me.
3. another one i could go on forever about. but i won't, because i've wrote about you countless times here. known each other for 2 years, next month. that's crazy. i was so much different in 8th grade. and i needed help, so i thank you for giving that to me. but only for a short period of time. even though we never "dated," you have always been really important to me. some things never change. i'm glad that we still talk, no matter what.
4. we've pretty much forgetten about old times, and it's probably better that way. it might be awkward if we brought it up now. i've known you for almost a year and a half. although last summer wasn't the best, i'm glad we still talk a lot and that we hang out. (:
5. just because we broke up doesn't mean you have to hate me. i meant what i said when i told you i wanted to be friends. don't know what you didn't get. and it was so unnecessary to say the things you did. so, we ended on a bad note, but i don't dislike you. i just don't think it's right that you ignore me or whatever. hopefully that can be fixed soon.
6. you singlehandedly changed my life. and i only met you 8 months ago, tomorrow. weird, right? i loved you so much. hahaha. well, i'm glad we're still friends but i miss you a lot! hope to see you soon.
7. we really had something special. i've known you for 2 years, 3 months and 10 days. like i said, i'm good with dates. well, i was really glad when we started talking again last april. i actually totally forgot about you. and then we started to talk a lot. and i liked you for a while. we didn't see each other enough and that was one of the problems. you always made empty promises and it really sucked, on the other side of them. i still can't get those memories out of my head, yaknow? i still think of you. we haven't talked since the middle of september, but i kind of saw it coming. sometimes i just feel like texting you to tell you i miss you, because i honestly do. but if you cared, we never would've stopped talking. maybe that'll change one day.
8. can't find a way around the way i feel. i don't want to be with someone if i'm not sure how much i actually like them. obviously i care about you. you're not an asshole like you say you are, you're so sweet to me. honestly. but at the moment, i don't like you like you like me. i don't want to have to try to. it should just be there. so i'm not saying it's impossible, i'm just saying that it's not happening right now.

xo.

302.

cut off a lot of bangs today. cool life i have. i don't know what to write about. today was really busy. went right home after cool and rachelle picked me up and we went to walt whitman. got alyssa's gift, and it was a lolfest. ahahaha. got back home, and then went to my eye appointment. cool. mad busy. tomorrow should be a lot of fun. everyone's dressing up for school! halloween is always one of the funniest days of the year. andddd it's an even day, MY LIFE. (: anywayyy, i'm being max from where the wild things are. excited. costumes we pretty much made. bought shirts and leggings, stuffed brown socks and sewed them onto the backs of the shirts, wrote on the shirts, hats, etc. should be fun. and then after school, i'm getting ready, picking up rachelle and tatiana, and then going to alyssa's sweet 16! reunited with eurofriends again, aaaaah. gunna be so great. for many reasons, ahahahaaa. well. didn't take my pictures for photo. failure. it's 9 already. so not in the mood. this will be a busy weekend. and hopefully i have something worked out for saturday soon. cool, bye.

ps. i'm now actually in a bad mood. fuckkkkkers.

301.

ohhhh, shitty quality. yeah, still don't have my computer back. my life is awesome! kwell, stephen. bryce. avary. in 12 days. whatttt? holy shit. i can't even. haven't seen him in 389 days and i'm just about ded. omg. today was okay, glad we're fine. surprised how upset i actually got yesterday. idk, whatever. well, i'm kinda pissed right now. well not as much pissed as stressed. my idiot father made my appointment for friday at 5:30.... good thing i have a sweet 16 at 6 in oceanside? and i have to drive my friend? COOL. and i really need to go to get my contacts. whut. so cool. and stressed about my math test tomorrow. like, honestly, i don't even know what's going on in that class. i'm barely there. i'm managing to do pretty well in school this year, without working my fucking ass off like last year. so that's good. but i can't do math, ever. so fuck that. my blog... is so boring. realizing that lately. why do i even do this. i'm so uninteresting. only 64 more days! peace.

300.

day 300! this is natalie. today was really fun/funny for a lot of reasons but it also kinda sucked. and i guess really only i know why. well, school was alright, as always. i'm really glad kiana's coming back to school tomorrow. after school, nat and i went on heather's bus with her! got yelled at by freshman, why? LOL. anywaysss. walked to heather's. worked on our costumes for halloween for a while! then walked to go get pizza at mayfair. funny times, i really love those two. walked back and then worked on our costumes some more. listened to the soundtrack from WTWTA ahahaha, of course. but yeah, it was in the back of my mind. it sucks when i want to be having fun. well, i am, but my mind always goes back to the negative things when i'm given a couple seconds to think. doesn't that suck? i hate that about me. well anyway, nat left around 6:30 and i left at 7. love my heather feather! ps the picture is me and nat in the pizza place =]! sooo, i really dislike my father. he's the one who picked me up from heather's. listen, i don't want to hear your bullshit as soon as i open up the car door. give me a fucking break. and you wonder why i never want to be around you? because THIS is all you do. and it sucks. should i feel like a piece of shit? well, i don't. i don't and you can't make me. you can't tell me i'm unappreciative, because even my mother knows that's not true. maybe you should be more like her. maybe if you didn't make everything fucking uncomfortable for me. and you actually treated me like a daughter, and not some fucking student that you have to teach your "wisdom" to. i don't give a shit about your religion. i didn't promise you anything. and you're the one who said i could choose when i got older. well look, i'm older. and i'm choosing. i guess you don't care to know what it's like to not be able to explain to anyone why my father doesn't celebrate holidays. why he never says happy birthday to me and he's never around for holidays. especially why i have to hide everything. do you even fucking see that? maybe i SHOULD care more than i do, but at the moment, i really don't give a damn whether you're here or not. whatever. i'm done with this. so now it's 7:30, and i still have to do my math (KILL ME) and english homework. d. n. f. w. omg. oh and, there's you. do you actually not see that i care? hello, do you know me at all? i don't talk to people i don't like, period. so don't even concern yourself with that fact. and as far as school. yeah, i'm an asshole. to everyone. and you should know i'm kidding. look, i like you more than i let on. but maybe i should just keep my fucking mouth closed about that.

edit. 8:45 and still didn't start that homework. well, aren't i awesome. why am i back here? i don't know what else to do. am i really this ...upset?

edit 2. eh....... whatever. idk anymore.

299.

so, i love today. for soooo many reasons. don't really feel like writing but i guess i will. school was ariiight, like always! oh and, sitting in global, i get a text from twitter. and it's bryce! saying... he's releasing his ep a day early! i died. LOL. no really. sooo, after school, stayed after for a little with connor and laura and then went home. did homework, got ready, and then laur walked over at 4:45. left at 5 to go to looney tunes for tprov and the summer set! wellllll, got there an hour late and kinda expected to miss tprov play :( ohsad. but i was happy we were there! the summer set played, they were qt. ahahaha saw dblaise and died a little. took pictures! and then dyoung was walking around and i was DED. tss finished and then the signing started. went outside and met up with sam and mel on line! went in and met erryone, so cuteee. missed them so much, omfg. AHHHH so great. after the signing, pretty much everyone was starting to leave. me, laur, sam, mel, stef, etc were standing outside and such, being awkward. walked in and out of looney tunes, had josh call katrina, and then had a photo shoot with jgomez. AHAHA because my camera was retarded. but took, let's see.... 10 pictures with him. AHAHA so funny. funny man. so cute! then sam, laur and i chilled in looney tunes for a while after tprov left and took pictures. best! i really love them. walked around with them afterwards, and then went to dollar tree. AHAHAHAHA "GOD IS WATCHING USSSSS!" welllll, sam's mom was thereee so she walked us back to my car and then we left. sam, you smell amazing ;D. and thennn we got wendy's! mmmm. katrina i love you! jsyk :) so now i'm home, exciting. still have to finish hw. ohwell. i love today. xo!

298.

another amazing day with best friend. woke up and showered, got ready wif herrrr. at mac and cheese fo lunchhh. amanaaaa dropped us off at the mall around 3! met emily and sarah, finallllly wahaha, dw! walked around a little and then went to barnes and nobles and read post secret books. amanda didn't have to work anymore so she came to the mall! we left and went to tropical smoooothie. then party city, got decorations for their house and amanda got her bumblebee costume :) after that, we went to get food at handy pantry. went back to tor's and put up all the decorations! good thing we suck, AHAHAHA. oh well. ate dinner which was v v good, and simon was being adorable :) love dinner with the dignon's, so funny LOL. singing homecoming, why? ahahaha. went to cvs to get tor makeup because she's stupid. (: LOVE YOU. and thennn after a little while, mama ah picked me uppp. got home around 7:15. did math homeworkkk and now i'm here! exciting lifeee. kbye! xo.

297.

amazing, amazing day :). woke up, cleaned, and nonsense! then mama ah dropped me off at torrrr's! 22 days without seeing my best friend, wtf! kso, we went on the computer and left funny videos/pictures for people and each other... LOL interesting. watched tv and ate! fun times. then we downloaded paranormal activity on amana's laptop, but 20 minutes into it, we stopped because amanda wanted to see it at loew's! sooo, she came home and then we went there to see the 10:10 movie. totally forgot david worked there, and saw him! aww cuteeeee, i love him a lot :D woo! sooo, paranormal wasn't really really scary but it was weird towards the end. i thought it was good, haaaaa! mysterious cheese..... LOL. love my life. i love tor and amanananana! after the movie, it was like midnight and we decided to go to applebee's. picture was driving to applebee's in the rainnnn! amanda was delusional and talked to herself AHAHA and we had this really creepy waiter. also, we drooled everywhere. um.... winners. when we got home, tor bought imagine that on her tv! and we watched that and went to sleep :D awww, good day <3.

296.

so about this happening. AHAHAHA. today was a complete adventure. i love life. woke up mad late for school, went to math 20 minutes late LOL. life. kso, school was good as always. i honestly never have homework on weekends, EXCEPT for math.... cool? wtf. after school is where the fun started, HAHAHA. legit ran back to my house to get my charger before going to heather's, but didn't make her bus :( meow. well, stayed wif kristina, steph, lauren, etc after school! and then natalie cameee to see if she was working spotliiiight. lulz. eventually we decided to go actually go to heather's. LMFAO asked all the buses what stops they had, and found heather's. went on some strange bus with odd people for like, half an hour? LOL HONESTLY, i didn't know where we were at all. discussed chicken with natalie for like, 10 minutes because she's obsessed.... LOL. got off the bus where we were supposed to, and then wandered around for maybe 20 minutes until we actually found heather's house. ahahaha chilled there for a while. ate her food :). and thennn her mom dropped us off at target! for halloween costumes :) heheeee. nat had to leave so alo picked her up to go to spotlight :( waaaah. heather and i had the best fucking time after that, though. bought almost all parts of our costumes, had talks, etc etc. good times. we're so great. target, michael's, party city, whatnotttt. then heather's mom picked us up! went back to heather's to work on our costumes hahahaaa. so great. gotta finish them! after a while, i asked my dad to pick us up and drop us off at the school for spotlighttt. woo! left at 7, and spotlight was sooo good. lovelovelove. best friends, of course! i enjoy these nights. no words hahaha. walked home after that, :D. and now i'm here. today was sooo great. i'm so tired, holy shit. k i'm done now. byeeee!

295.

ahahahaha. highlight of my day. laur walked over around 5, and we went on a walk. to cedar park. walked around everywhere and took a million pictures. cried of laughter, the usual with the best friend. victoria dignon (LOL DYING), i really miss you. today was so good. tomorrow will be completely epic. ahaha, i really love my life. i'm not exciting. ohwell :D xo.

edit. okay, hi. um, i have the chills right now. why why why. it's so funny that after ALL this time, you still do this to me. not like i like you or anything. i don't know what to call it, ahaha. but yeah. you even acknowledge our entire past, kinda funny. you are such a dumbass. but i love you. no matter what asshole things you say. that's probably the nicest thing i've said about you since, what? march 08? ahahaha. but i know it's true. even if i never say it to anyone. ahhhhhh life. oh and you, what the fucccccck? get over yourself :) ahahahaaaaa. my life is so funny right now. and weird. and i don't know what else to say about it. lmfao. <3.

ps. i really hope you can find a best friend in me.

294.

hahahahahahahahahaha, i love photo.

edit. awww, cute. i'm tired of writing about my day. they're never exciting, anyway. well, happy birthday best friend! jakelyn rose cruciani :) aww! felt like a retard carrying a huge spongebob balloon, a crown, a ribbon and a huge card to school today. but whatev. glad she actually carried it around like she promised! yeah, today was interesting. and i also became more aware of my heartless...ness. i honestly don't give a fuck if people know i don't like them. cool. i'm glad. what we're doing is just funny to me. i don't have a conscience when it comes to this stuff, and i guess that could be bad, but ahahaha, fuck it. honestly. ANYWAYS. reading old blogs again today. mainly the month of april. for the same reason as always, duh. well anyway. it made me realize how amazing this year is. i talked about how much i dreaded school. how i didn't even want to get out of bed in the morning. guess what? i have not cried once of stress, this entire school year. because i'm not anymore. how fucking awesome is this? haaaaa. life is so good. well, besides one thing. and you know this is for you. i don't know why things are weird right now. it's understandable to be pissed but it really doesn't matter that much, yaknow? c'mon, we're best friends. i don't know how we can just NOT be talking to each other. i don't know if you're suffering as much as me (and her) but yeah. it's not okay. we're so much better than this, and you know it. i love you a lot. and i miss you. alsooo, talked to loma on the phone for a while tonight, that was very nice! i enjoy long conversations on the phone, if you didn't know. sew entertaining~* yaknow! yaaaay. k well, i don't have anything interesting to say anymore. bye (:

ps. amor vincit omnia.

293.

i walk out of my house at 7:10am and this is what i see. so beautiful, i love sunrise! also, notice the frost on my grass. woooo fall! (: well anyway, today was gooood. i love even days hahaha. no gym! and double math instead of chem. kiananana left me for florida, i really miss you gurl :(! well, side note. i really don't appreciate you completely leaving me out of this. i feel like you can't even talk to me. ahhhhhh whatev. i really hope your problems are resolved soon. after school is always funnnn, ha! i was with laura, jakes, connor, etc. funfun. jake's birthday is tomorrow, i'm excited! met laura halfway before, chilled, and then went to party city to get stuff for jake tomorrow. hahahaha, i'm an awesome friend. duh. now i'm sitting here, trying to write an english paper? why. haha. should've written it a while ago. ohwell. then i gotta go study for global test and make jake's card. wow, really? i just need to say this because it's happening right now. you're honestly pissing me off. you have no right to be mad because i'm doing the right thing. shut the hell up. welllll, i'm gunna go try to finish that paper. xo.

292.

so, remember this from day 6 of this blog? hehe, still use it. favorite thing ever. bryce's new song, you gotta believe came out today. repeat, obv. it's fucking amazing. like i expected anything less, ha! on another note, wore contacts to school today. i barely noticed them, honestly. but i feel like i look so awkward :( meh. welllll, today was a pretty good day, i guess. when i got home, i kinda fell asleep until like 7? LOL life. not gunna be able to sleep later, oh well. well, it's 9 and i still need to do chem homework and study. cool. oh, discussions in lunch today. i finally said outloud; 8th grade, school was amazing but life was terrible. 9th grade, school and life fucking sucked. and this year, school AND life is awesome. pretty great. well, i'm go now. xo!

ps. i don't know what's up with you, but i hope you feel better. i love you. <3.

291.

really shitty day. maybe i'll edit later. but what's the fucking point.

edit. well, today ended pretty well, i guess? but the main reason i came back was to say that one year ago today was the first time i posted on this blog. it was called "surreal." and it was all about bryce. i just read it. so fucking nostalgic. i miss him, 22 days. holy shiiiit. <3.

edit 2. felt this was necessary. "first blog. i've always tried these things but never really stuck to them. i think this time will be different." damn, how right i was.

290.

funfunfun day. woke up, showered, ate. whatnot. went to get my nails done with mommy :) yayay! went home and watched tv, exciting? lulz. boringggggg until like, 6. left to go pick up laura and katrina and then go to tanger :) met up with paloma, izzy, marisa, erica, rachel, dan, kayla, heather and amanda. woooo! ate, bought movie tickets, had fun. saw where the wild things are at 7:30. soooo good! it was cute, very cuteee. also, very funny children in front of us, that made it even better. "....IT'S A BOY!" lmfao omg. so yeah, wonderful movie. after, hung out with those children in the cold, got kicked out of red mango.... yeah. then mike, jess and my mom came to see wtwta, lolz. weird. took many pictures and basically had a fun time! i sound so lame in my blogs. cool. oh, forgot to mention. half my school was at tanger........ WHY. but people watching is really funny. everyone leftttt eventually and then mama rizzo came to pick laur and i up. sooo, now i'm home. pointless. well, kinda thought about you tonight. i don't remember why. i was gunna say something about you but i don't want to mention your name anymore. it's just not even worth it. we haven't talked in mad long and i don't see that changing anytime soon. so whatever. oh and, you. good thing no one likes you? i don't know why, they don't even really know you. whatever. i'm in no position to say anything. alright, my fucking dad snoring is pissing me off, so i'm leaving. peaceeee.

289.

natalie and kiana. math would not be bearable without these girls. school was good, as always. went by fast. katrina, natalie and i walked back to my house after school, and it was obviously fun times. nat getting injured by my hamster, HAHAHAH. and katrina dressing in my clothes, etc etc. i love those girls, a lot :). they left around 4:30, and then i went to my eye appointment at 5. contacts now, whut whuttttt. ngl, hard to get used to. but whateverrr, i'm happy! after, mike and jess drove me to party city, got cat ears, and then i got ready. ahahaha, such a fucking fun night. interesting. and mad funny. love my friends, so much! i love my lifeeee. xo.

288.

ohhhhh, b. 25 days. today was ariiight. like every day. no complaints, really. i honestly never have a lot of homework, ever. haha watch, i get a shitload tomorrow. but really, i had none today besides studying for 2 tests tomorrow. math might not turn out so well but spanish will be mad easy. so whatev. went to ortho today, why must i wear 2 rubber bands on the left side now? whyyyyy? lmfao i don't understand. it hurts like a bitch. so uhhh, tomorrow is friday. exciting. but i don't know what i'm doing. so... yeah. gotta figure that out. iiiiiiii love life :) <3.

1. i'm so glad we're close again. you and i both know that this time of year is better for us. i'm so glad i have you. because honestly, i could never replace you.
2. so uhhhhhhhh, you're an asshole. and that's about it. if you were able to drop me that fast, i guess it never really meant anything. fuck you, kid. i'm better off without you.
3. are you kidding me? seriously? i mean, not a lot of people are original anymore. but you take unoriginal to a new level. i don't dislike you, don't get me wrong. but honestly.... just stop. lmfao.
4. we could go somewhere good, and i always say that. but i don't know. something about you is different. you can't be so negative. i wouldn't be your friend if i didn't like you. just be patient because you never know what feelings will develop. you're a really great kid.
5. i honestly don't really like you at all. go away.
6. do you understand how much i miss you? been thinking the past couple days. i looked at that picture and i was taken back to april & may. i remember exactly how i felt. do you know how much i loved you? i was so fucking happy because we were close. you joined our little group faster than anyone, ever. and now you're gone. just like that. it doesn't seem right. honestly, you defined the song "you had me at hello." you really did. i will never forget that day. and i don't care how gay i sound right now. you were such a big part of my life. and i'm really sorry you're gone.
7. this is for 2 people. i can't believe we weren't friends earlier. i absolutely love you both to death :).

287.

ahahaha, today. kwell, PSAT was torture. seriously. 7:30-11:15? no thank you. at least we missed 1-3rd period and the other periods were mad short. honestly, school is really good so far. life is really good this year. fucking love it. mike and i went to pathmark/7-11 at 11:30pm for no reason, really. so um, about getting 40 gumballs out of the machine in pathmark? i honestly don't know how we did it, but we only spent like 2 or 3 dollars....... LOL. and i'm serious when i say 40, we counted. lmfao. life. kwell. my life isn't really that exciting at all, but it's definitely good. hope it stays that way. <3

286.

in honor of on your side coming out today. it's been on repeat for a while. today was the worst day in a while. i really hope this doesn't continue. had no homework today besides math. that always seems to happen. well, i have a PSAT tomorrow for 3 hours, should be fun. missing 1st, 2nd, 3rd and maybe 4th period. that's wonderful because i absolutely hate 1-3. math and chem. so that's always good. and shortened periods, wooooo! well, anyway. today. idk. weird day. yaknow what, i don't wanna talk about it. for once. hopefully i don't feel like such a piece of shit tomorrow. peace.

ps. 300th post. fuck yes. october 18th is my year anniversary of starting this blog. <3.

285.

today was actually better than expected. today's picture is our goal finally being complete. woke up, showered, whatnot. left on a journey with mike and jess, lovely kids. went to mr. cheapo's for a while and i got forget and not slow down. surprising how it came out 6 days ago and it's already in mr cheapo's, used. oh well. it's as good as new. so excited about owning that :)! then we drove all the way out to brentwood because the damn signs told us to! got to the farm to go pumpkin picking and it was $15 so we lefttt. went to meat farms and got pumpkins hahaha. then went to the bluff so i could take pictures for my photo project. twas a nice time, it wasn't too cold and we found road bread (LOFL) and yeah. nice pictures. proud of this one. wish it had been at sunset though. oh well. came back from the bluff and went to stop and shop. so chrissy and steph again! aww cute. after that, went to get food and then went home. carved ze big pumpkin! and today's picture is the result. yayayay :) vacuumed and now i gotta go do my math homework. COOL. oh well. 4 day week of school! fuck yeah. xo.

edit. why do i even open my goddamn mouth. and why do i always feel like the shittiest person ever.

284.

today was the best. won't go into detail because i'm too lazy. got tropical smoothie, surprised laur with a kiwi quencher because i'm awesome, went to cedarhurst paper and party city to look at s16 invitations. took a while hahaha. love my best friend. then went to chili's with her, paloma, izzy, erin, molly and jackie! yumyum. went to go visit stephanie smithz at work! erin, molly and jackie lefttt. ~job~ came to pick us up and we went back to paloma's! left funny videos and watched drinking out of cups.... obviously. lovely night. not looking forward to tomorrow. xo.

283.

first time in the history of this blog that my picture of the day was not taken that day. this picture is almost 2 years old. before i go on a tangent about it, i'll tell ya what happened today. woke up and soon erin came overrr! so fucking funny wif all of themmm. ate fruit and pizza and waffles and crap and went on the computer and watched videos and lmfao yeah. basic stuff. so funny. anyway. dad came around 2:30, all downhill from there. no details, just saying that my dad is absolutely fucking impossible. he honestly wonders why i don't talk to him, ever? how could i. he fucking treats me like i'm 5. he's so stubborn. think that's where i get it from. but what the fuck ever. i don't care. been home since then. took a shower and crap. slept. started homework. but i'm so fucking bored. and i have no plans. so uh, today kinda sucks. a lot. but anyway. this picture. i miss that time in my life, so much. i remember kristina's blog about it, we actually read it together recently. i totally agree with her. we all used to be best friends. every weekend, no matter what, we were together. 8th grade was so fucking simple. oh well. i'm glad that i'm still friends with all of them, even though we all don't hang out that much. obviously, we were meant to be friends if we still talk all the time, after how many years? 4? i'm just letting you know that i love you all, a lot. and i miss you. and you know who you are. xo.

282.

today was fucking amazing. school was honestly the funniest thing ever. i haven't laughed so much in one day in sooo long. kiana throwing sweetarts at me for 3 periods, marissa and i being twins in spanish, paloma and jake being retards in lunch, laur and i making fun of people in study hall, photo with nat and heather (no explanation needed), and my english teacher basically being the greatest person ever. so fucking funny. went home and ate, blahblah. got dropped off at paloma's around 5:30! izzy just woke up...... lolz. needless to say, a very eventful night. many new post its added to loma's walls! ahahahaha. we're too funny. went to the elwood to see a movie and unnecessarily snuck into zombieland LOL. it was mad fucking funny. along with other things that happened there....... omg my life. ahahaha. then walked around, went in dunkin donuts, etc! mucho fun. then got picked upppp. lots of fun stuffs. did izzy's makeup at 12am? and ate oatmeal and pretzals and watched music videos and went on the computer and listened to music and all that fun stuff :) love mah gurlz~ bahaha. sleeping overrrrr! xo.

281.

boring day. school, stayed after, home, nap, homework, hospital. nice. i actually do enjoy visiting granny in the hospital. good to know she's comfortable. anyway. tomorrow shall be fun, tgif! also, i really need to get in shape. fuckersssss. bye.

280.

ohay. kiana took this! 1st and 2nd period trigonometry is brutal. the only reason i can deal with it is because of nat and kiana. duh. my outfit was weird today but hwatever. and yes, i meant to spell it like that. today was pretty boring. it's really great to say that school is good, though. ahhhh. after school, stalled forever and then went to the doctor. cool. i'm so sick. my voice is back pretty much, though. ohmygod, why am i telling you about my pointless life? ugh. stalling my last part of homework now. eh. well anyway, ventin' time. 1. you're such an asshole now. why has so much changed? i honestly don't even want to see you anymore. by the time you come around, i'll be long gone. 2. idk what to do with you. i mean, you're my friend, nothing mroe at this point. you need a little more self confidence, let me just say. but idk. you gotta be patient. maybe nothing is happening now but you never know. 3. the relationship we have kind of makes me happy. it's funny. if i need you, you're there. always. it's great that i don't have to think about all the bullshit of the past anymore. we're good right where we are.

Tell me, does she look at you the way I do? Try to understand the words you say and the way you move? Does she get the same big rush when you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush? Tell me, am I crazy or is this more than a crush?

good thing that doesn't apply to anyone anymore.

279.

lot of meaning today. you wouldn't understand.

278.

best hoodie. wore it today for my boys. anyway, i don't care about today. like, i really don't. i don't have anything to say anymore. school is alright, it's always gunna be like that. not a lot of homework, ever. at least that's good. but i can't keep my mind from going back to you. i don't know how you can sit there and try to erase me from your life. this, believe me, this was the worst way to do it. it hurts the most. i don't care if you're busy. i don't care if you have work. i don't care about your excuses anymore. why couldn't you just be up front with me? god, i though you were mature enough to do that. at this rate, we won't even be friends anymore. fuck it fuck it fuck it. bye.

edit. shit. going to the hospital. ICU. please be okay. please?

edit 2. everything is okay but my head is a mess right now. idk. you don't understand, i don't know what to say to that. whatever. let's drop it. you. you have some fucking nerve. ignoring me, what is that going to do? that hurts worse. it really does. i'm gunna stop bitching, though. you'll miss me. xo.

277.

didn't really do too much today. idk. today's picture was for my photo assignment. "a self portrait revealing something about yourself." idk. one of the few pictures i actually liked. i also wrote "heartless" under my eyes in eyeliner HAHAHAHA because it's so true. anyway. in the morning i got tropical smoothie, yum. then idk... i was doing my hair to do my photo assignment and blasting music so i didn't hear anything else. my mom came into my room and said there was an ambulance here for my great grandma, holy shit my stomach dropped. she lives with me, btw. obviously. but yeah. scary shit. her room's upstairs and she was on a stretcher so idk how they managed to get her downstairs. but yeah. it wasn't SERIOUS serious but she is like, 92. so. and she's still in the hospital. i cleaned and then my mom, mike and i went to huntington hospital to see her. a lot of my family was there. she's doing okay, i guess. i hope she gets better. xo.

edit. we never talk, period. i'm done caring. but don't you dare fucking say you love me ever again, when we both know that's clearly untrue. i miss how it used to be. goddamnit.

276.

relient k. absolutely amazing. the morning was bullshit, whatever. cleaned and read. i left at 5, went to the bank, then picked katrina up. haaa :D then went to pick paloma & izzy up. fun car ride :) anyway, no line when we got there. sat around for a while, found friends! woooo. barcelona was pretty good, brian was wearing a call it captivate shirt! so, um. story about that. i tweet bryce and told him that, just because, yaknow? so i turn around to walk somewhere and my phone vibrates. twitter. bryce. to......catherineTRS. AKA ME. "That is awesome. Tell him thanks! I'm going to check them out now..." okay um, initiate freak out. so happy. awwww :). okay sooo, then copeland came on, and we had gotten pretty close. they were good, too. we got really close by the time relient k was about to come on. holy shit, holy shitttt, they were godly. they opened with the one i'm waiting for, and then be my escape, forget and not slow down (new), forward motion, falling out, mood rings, therapy (new), which to bury; us or the hatchet, let it all out, i don't need a soul (new), the lining is silver, devastation and reform, must've done something right, high of 75, there was no thief, and who i am hates who i've been. best. fucking best. they also played the 5 dollar foot long song? LMFAO and under the sea from the little mermaid, which was soooo great. i was dying. amazing show. after, found brian from barcelona and told him about bryce :) then met john and matt t of relient k. best. moments. ever. LMFAO "it just looks like a twitch though, do you find it attractive?" ohhhmygod, i love life. hung out wif mah girls for a little and then got in my car and got wendy's, they were in front of me LOL. yeah, fucking amazing night. XO.

275.

tgif. no homework, and life is good. stayed after with paloma, izzy, brendan, marissa, kristina, steph, lauren, etc. really good time :). went home, finished my 3rd book. took a nap, which law woke me from. with best friends now. i love love love tor and laur. kbye <3.

edit. so, i didn't explain this picture. we went to the movies and got these little rubber animal things out of a machine. sooo qt :).

274.

shitty pictures lately, sorry. computer is still broken. i theoretically could upload my camera here but dnw my pictures on my dad's computer. anyway, today was basically the same as the rest. almost no homework, reading, whatev. november issue of AP came and it is godly. so many good stories, so many bands i like. especially the story about tai. my boys. did you know only 38 days til i see them? damn, that's great to say. oh and, 39 days til bryce. WHAT? WHATTTT? omg. also, 2 until relient k. holy fucking shit asjhfkjahgas my life is so perfect. well. except for you. i've pretty much decided to give up. if you're not going to try, ever, than what's the point? i'm so done sitting here and waiting for you. i might as well mail your hat back to you because i really don't see myself hanging out with you again any time soon. not at this rate, at least. i don't know what else to say. i guess it was all just wishful thinking.