out of ideas. i want my camera back so bad. today kinda sucked. family over. saw district 9. bullshit. not even worth writing about. idk. i don't even feel like venting anymore. a lot on my mind but nothing wants to come out. eh.
edit. no one ever comments my blog anymore. does anyone even read this shit?
edit 2. i can tell you right now that this will probably be long. well, reading other people's blogs makes me think. it's kinda creepy but i like reading about other people's lives. i mean, i discover things we have in common that i never even knew. things about myself that i never even realized. it's kinda cool sometimes. so, friends and love are the topics tonight. i'll start with friends. a lot of groups of friends fight a lot. there's always some sort of drama and people that are mad at other people and attitudes and whatnot. what else can i say? it's complete bullshit. i'm not being mean but that's just how i see it. friends are there to be loved. to be enjoyed. not to cause you pain. i don't know why i'm tearing up right now. i'm pretty emotional and i don't know why. but anyway. friends are a blessing, honestly. you need to value the people that are willing to be a positive part of your life. i am the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to friends. i have the 2 best friends i could ever, ever ask for. i'm so lucky to say that we've never had a fight, between any of us, ever. i mean, we've had those off days. everyone has. but when i look back at those days, i just laugh because i know they're so meaningless. it's a joke to ever think i could live without them, and i mean that. i did have 3 best friends. and when the school year ended, and summer began, i faced something horrible. it was so hard to let her go. it really was. i cried so many tears. but someone told me something that stuck with me. people come and go, and that's life. if she was still meant to be with me, she would be. but she's not. i'm not bitter about this anymore. we went our seperate ways, we all did, and i guess if that's what happened, that's what's best. at the time, i didn't understand. but it's whatever now. i hope she's happier, i really do. because i can tell you that i didn't need drama in my life, and neither did she. anyway. i'm just saying that friends really need to be appreciated. i'm so lucky to have tor and laura. i pushed myself to not be a jealous person anymore, but i know that they are the ones who helped me actually do it. to actually change. whether they know it or not. i know a lot of people hated freshman year, because it drove so many people apart. and yeah, it sucks. but if i had the chance to do it all over, i know it'd turn out the same. some things were just meant to be. um, what am i even rambling about right now? it's 2am and i have no one else to talk to... so i guess that's why i came here. anyway. next topic i guess. love. i feel stupid saying love, so i'll just say boys. even stupider. whatever. no deleting, right? so. a lot of people feel like they absolutely must have a special person in their life to be happy. everyone wants someone they can talk to whenever they want, about whatever they want, and know that they will never judge them. someone to hold hands with or just be with when you're lonely. someone to say cute things to you and actually make you believe love is real. let me be completely honest with everyone, and myself. i want that, too. i want it more than a lot of things. but i don't feel incomplete without it. i have a wonderful life, i really do. in 8th grade i made my life seem like shit. and for what? so i could feel sorry for myself? really? but yeah.. this whole love thing. i have someone i care about a lot. don't think he would ever, ever read this so i guess this is just for me. i really do like you, a lot. i think about you every day. and when we're not talking, i wish we were. i try not to be annoying, but either way, i feel pathetic. i don't know why. i've always been like this. i don't want this to be difficult. i don't want to pour my heart out to you and just scare you away. but part of me is dying to. i almost did once, remember? you probably don't because you were high. i want to delete that because i don't want to make you seem like a bad person. but that's the truth. sometimes i wish you'd just ask me. how i feel. i think we'd both feel better. but i don't want to rush anything. i want this to be perfect. maybe "this" isn't even anything. i just really hope you're not fucking with me. i don't really know what else to say at this point. i'm always wishing to be with you. i think everyone will be caught off guard if they read this because i've never said this to anyone. well. the little cute things you say. they always make me smile. it's those little simple moments of happiness that i wish i could feel forever. if "this" is anything, i know it will be hard. but you make me happy. and that's how i know it's worth it. i think i wanted to say more... hmm. well. i guess i'll say that school officially starts in 16 days, and i don't think i've ever dreaded anything more. school isn't even worth it. i don't even care that i "see all my friends." all the friends worth seeing, i see now.. with the exception of a few. but yeah. that's just gunna suck... a lot. i think this is long enough. i don't know why i cried. i'm glad it came out. goodnight.
edit. no one ever comments my blog anymore. does anyone even read this shit?
edit 2. i can tell you right now that this will probably be long. well, reading other people's blogs makes me think. it's kinda creepy but i like reading about other people's lives. i mean, i discover things we have in common that i never even knew. things about myself that i never even realized. it's kinda cool sometimes. so, friends and love are the topics tonight. i'll start with friends. a lot of groups of friends fight a lot. there's always some sort of drama and people that are mad at other people and attitudes and whatnot. what else can i say? it's complete bullshit. i'm not being mean but that's just how i see it. friends are there to be loved. to be enjoyed. not to cause you pain. i don't know why i'm tearing up right now. i'm pretty emotional and i don't know why. but anyway. friends are a blessing, honestly. you need to value the people that are willing to be a positive part of your life. i am the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to friends. i have the 2 best friends i could ever, ever ask for. i'm so lucky to say that we've never had a fight, between any of us, ever. i mean, we've had those off days. everyone has. but when i look back at those days, i just laugh because i know they're so meaningless. it's a joke to ever think i could live without them, and i mean that. i did have 3 best friends. and when the school year ended, and summer began, i faced something horrible. it was so hard to let her go. it really was. i cried so many tears. but someone told me something that stuck with me. people come and go, and that's life. if she was still meant to be with me, she would be. but she's not. i'm not bitter about this anymore. we went our seperate ways, we all did, and i guess if that's what happened, that's what's best. at the time, i didn't understand. but it's whatever now. i hope she's happier, i really do. because i can tell you that i didn't need drama in my life, and neither did she. anyway. i'm just saying that friends really need to be appreciated. i'm so lucky to have tor and laura. i pushed myself to not be a jealous person anymore, but i know that they are the ones who helped me actually do it. to actually change. whether they know it or not. i know a lot of people hated freshman year, because it drove so many people apart. and yeah, it sucks. but if i had the chance to do it all over, i know it'd turn out the same. some things were just meant to be. um, what am i even rambling about right now? it's 2am and i have no one else to talk to... so i guess that's why i came here. anyway. next topic i guess. love. i feel stupid saying love, so i'll just say boys. even stupider. whatever. no deleting, right? so. a lot of people feel like they absolutely must have a special person in their life to be happy. everyone wants someone they can talk to whenever they want, about whatever they want, and know that they will never judge them. someone to hold hands with or just be with when you're lonely. someone to say cute things to you and actually make you believe love is real. let me be completely honest with everyone, and myself. i want that, too. i want it more than a lot of things. but i don't feel incomplete without it. i have a wonderful life, i really do. in 8th grade i made my life seem like shit. and for what? so i could feel sorry for myself? really? but yeah.. this whole love thing. i have someone i care about a lot. don't think he would ever, ever read this so i guess this is just for me. i really do like you, a lot. i think about you every day. and when we're not talking, i wish we were. i try not to be annoying, but either way, i feel pathetic. i don't know why. i've always been like this. i don't want this to be difficult. i don't want to pour my heart out to you and just scare you away. but part of me is dying to. i almost did once, remember? you probably don't because you were high. i want to delete that because i don't want to make you seem like a bad person. but that's the truth. sometimes i wish you'd just ask me. how i feel. i think we'd both feel better. but i don't want to rush anything. i want this to be perfect. maybe "this" isn't even anything. i just really hope you're not fucking with me. i don't really know what else to say at this point. i'm always wishing to be with you. i think everyone will be caught off guard if they read this because i've never said this to anyone. well. the little cute things you say. they always make me smile. it's those little simple moments of happiness that i wish i could feel forever. if "this" is anything, i know it will be hard. but you make me happy. and that's how i know it's worth it. i think i wanted to say more... hmm. well. i guess i'll say that school officially starts in 16 days, and i don't think i've ever dreaded anything more. school isn't even worth it. i don't even care that i "see all my friends." all the friends worth seeing, i see now.. with the exception of a few. but yeah. that's just gunna suck... a lot. i think this is long enough. i don't know why i cried. i'm glad it came out. goodnight.
2 comments:
i read ittt :]
and i like your shirt. bahaha.
<3 tybebz
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