194.

i'll get straight to the meaning of this, because i really didn't do anything today. i've been thinking a lot about how lucky i am. i have a roof over my head. a family that loves me. friends. school. nothing's exactly coming crashing down on me at the moment. maybe this isn't the nicest thing to say, but your life makes me appreciate my own. i want to help you and that's what i tried doing today. i appreciate what i have because you don't have a lot of it. i want you to have everything you want because that's what you deserve. i wish you the best of luck in the decision you have to make, because it's sure as hell a life-changing one. anyway. europe in 5 days, what? pm dying. one of the few things i did today was finish all my quizzes for ze trip. i feel less stressed. but at the same time, more stressed. for a different reason. took my cat to the vet today and my mother decided it was the perfect time to tell me she's filing for a divorce. hmmshit, saw that coming, but it hurts a lot to know it's actually here. i mean, shit's gunna change. we talked about us moving next summer... how that's probably gunna happen. she was just rambling about looking for houses with her friend and she got into actual figures and it just became all too real. something tells me that i'm not ready for a change like that. idk. maybe i should be more upset. or maybe it hasn't hit me yet. well, it will. i'm glad i'll be living with my mom, though. but ugh... idek. dnw fights over custody and shit. dnw to be driven to school every day. dnw to be far away from my friends. and i'm scared at how mike will react to this. i'm getting the vibe that he doesn't know yet. and he'll probably put up more of a fight. idk. this is gunna be hard. um. i think i have more to talk about. OHYEAH. you are being so immature. so, i called you out on your bullshit. it's true and you know it. don't go and freak out on me. you know i'm right. that shit hurts. i'm so done with this. i just want to be fucking normal. i've said so many times that we're done for good, so why does it never happen? i thought it was for good last time. obviously nothing lasts. all i wanted was to be on good terms. why do you turn it into this? ugh. people have always tried to talk sense into me, and i know i believe them, but it's like my mind and my body do different things. like i'm incapable of saying what's on my mind to you. well, i know that's not completely true. but still, it sucks that i don't know how to stop. um, idk. also. you. i really miss you! i wish you'd talk to me sometimes. it'd be nice. you told me you've been thinking about me. so have i. let's chill, kid. well... i'm done for now. time for bed. xo.