Wow.

6 months has gone by. 6 months since my last post here. It's now July 1st, and I'm at one of the best points in my life. Of course, I always come back here and read old stuff because hello, what else is my life? But anyway. A quick update, I guess? Not that I think anyone reads this anymore. 2010 has been wonderful to me. School became torture for me and I gave up caring, but it's all good because it's summer now. I pulled off a 93 overall average at the end of the year. Besides school, life for the past few months has been flawless. One of my best friends came back into my life 3 months ago. Have I mentioned that I've been in love with him for almost 5 years? I know I've written about him here before. I honestly could not imagine a better life. He's here for the summer, and it sucked so much to wait for that. I don't even want to think about him leaving again, me starting junior year... Nah. I'll worry about that when the time comes. I'll be 16 in less than 2 months and my sweet 16 is on my birthday, August 20th! I've been getting everything ready for that, I actually sent out invitations 2 days ago. What else? Haha I guess I'm not really that interesting. I feel like this summer will be really good, even though I've been bored lately. I wish I could drive, but it's all good. Relaxing is the greatest. Usually, during the summer, I lose touch with a lot of people I wish I didn't, but that hasn't happened yet this summer. I really hope it doesn't. I'm thankful for every day. I guess I'm just posting this for myself. My 365 still gives me a million memories to look back on, and I appreciate that more than I can say. xo.

new year.

There, I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.

i'm afraid to miss a day. god damnit.

365.

wow. wow, wow and wow. seeing that number up there? that's completely and utterly surreal. three hundred and sixty five days, pictures, blogs. since january 1st, 2009. and now, it's the last day of 2009. how weird is that? i'm so glad i did this, so glad i accomplished this. there are so many memories here, that now, i will never forget. i've watched myself change over the past year, so much. so much has changed. i remember the first day, i wrote this, "yep, three hundred and sixty five pictures. i hope they will depict my life and give me many memories to look back on eventually." wow, if i only knew back then how much this would effect me. 2009 might have started bad, yeah, and there might have been really horrible times, but if i didn't have those times, how would i know happiness? 2009 has also brought me endless happiness and good times. i've discovered who i can truly trust and count on, who my best friends are. so many shows that changed my life, so many people who inspired me, so many sleepless nights with my best friends that i wouldn't trade for the world. and now, tonight represents a fresh start. a new year filled with new experiences. that's what every new year brings, right? ahhh. so, as far as this blog. i don'tttt know! i'll continue with my tumblr, at destroymypride.tumblr.com! i've been doing that for a little while. and i can see myself writing in this from time to time. i'll write more later :) xo!

edit. 2009, i will miss you but i won't at the same time. i'm leaving for my aunt's house soon with my mom, mike and jess. chris is meeting us there. actually excited to see mah family! meh. idk. i don't like how new year's eve kind of depresses me. but i'll get over it. i need to look at the positive side. maybe make some new year's resolutions. hmmm: put more thought into photo projects, make an effort to talk to my friends and make time for everyone, be nicer to my parents, be a better girlfriend, and of course, this is necessary, see bryce at least 4 times this year. that one is the same as last year! cause i didn't exactly accomplish thatttt. but oh well. anyway. i'll try to end this blog (wow, end?) with something meaningful. happy new year, everyone. there's only 5 more hours left. and everyone, everywhere, is changing. whether it be dramatically in one moment, one day, or gradually, over time. everything is changing. i hope that you make the best decisions for yourself, and live your life to your liking, not anyone elses. i really have so many people to thank for shaping the person i became the past 12 months. and god knows there is plenty more change to come. it's weird to think that if one thing had gone differently, you might be a different person. these are all just random thoughts that go through my head. but i want everyone in my life to know that i'm so grateful that you're here. everyone's had their fair share of struggles but they make it through them because of the people willing to help. in 2010, i hope to exemplify my gratitude. to everyone. random acts of kindness are a good thing to start with. people always say that they want to make the world a better place, but no one really ever knows where to start. but that's what life is about, isn't it? finding out which path to take in order to better your life. this is my goal for 2010. thank you for being my outlet this year. i will always remember 2009, the good and the bad. for the people who may read this, thank you for even glancing at my words. this means a lot to me, i'll miss you. for the last time, xo.

364.

holy shit, it's so late, but i have to write this now before i forget anything. so. woke up this morning at 10, fell back asleep and woke up at 10:45. went and took a shower, got dressed, did hair. cleaned hamster cage, productive! then, when i was making food, around 1:30ish, jakelyn showed up! yayayay. ate a sandwich and soup, mmm. started getting ready to leave at 2:30, and left at 3. took a bunch of stuff and my new coat. soooo fucking excited. THE STARTING LINE? whattttttt? and envy? for the second time in 4 days? love my life. sooo, the drive to philadelphia was really long and boring. listened to those two bands the whole time, and only stopped once. we got to philly and it was dark out, around 7ish. drove around for a little in the big city. it was sooo beautiful. reminds me a lot of nyc at night. except a lot cleaner! so, better :). wish i coulda taken pictures! the last time i went there, it wasn't at night. so yeeee! it was very nice. found the venue, the trocadero, and waited in the front in the car until doors. waited for the line to get short and then went in with jake. first thing we did was pee, LOL. the venue was nice, but the bathroom wasn't! whatevvv. walked around after that, saw members of envy, aw! then we went to buy tsl merch. i got a hoodie and so did jake! put our crap in coat check and then walked into the main room. a local band played their last song, and then we moved further into the crowd. envy played almost the same set as the did on sunday, except shorter! only 7 songs :( they ended with gift of paralysis, awww. i wish the crowd was more into them, because they're so great. like, sososo great. passionate and really genuine people. i know everyone was there for tsl but they should've supported them more. oh well, i was screaming and singing! it felt gooood. and i love when they play x amount of truth and then go into vultures, the bass is sooo good. aaah! well. they ended and i had the most insane butterflies. maybe 20 minutes later, the lights went dim, the crowd screamed, and everyone ran forward at least 5 feet. i haven't been in a serious pit since i don't even know when, and at that moment, i realized why i do it. the band walked out, and then kenny jumped on stage and turned around and played his first note. innnnnsane. this crowd was the craziest i've ever been in. i can't even. before they said anything, they opened with up and go. i honestly couldn't even hear kenny because the crowd was singing so loud. it was the greatest thing i've ever experienced. after that was making love to the camera. i thought of you, of course. but yeppp, AMAZING. direction and then surprise, surprise! such great lyrics. this was so insane. then inspired by the $, are you alone, a goodnight's sleep. 21 blew my mind, of course. AH. then what you want, ready, artistic license, birds AH!, way with words, given the chance. right after that, kenny said, "who has... something left to give?" and i FLIPPED. 2 seconds later... "this song's called island." LOL. the crowd went insane anyway. deadddd. they said 2 more songs :( somebody's gunna miss us, and then best of me. holy SHIT. best thing of my life. during all of this, kenny was thanking everyone, and then said, "it's because of you guys that we're gunna start doing this more often." HOLY FUCK, dead. i have literally never heard a crowd cheer that loud, for that long. then "starting line" was chanted. kenny literally screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP" into the mic and then laughed because we were so loud and insane. they also kept hinting at more shows the whole time. when they went offstage the one more song chant was literally IMMEDIATE. it took a little while, but they came back out. something left to give? holy fuck. i died. that and playing favorites are my 2 favorite songs by them. ahhhhhh. then, last song was leaving. appropriate. the crowd was absolutely insane, fun, crazy, sweaty, loud, and everything i love about shows. yesyesyes. love my life so much. after the show, me and jake fixed ourselves and then i went to talk to ryan hunter. talked about shows and long island and the 516, and sunday! haaa. he is so damn sweet. took a picture :) aww, dw. after that, we got our hoodies and then walked out. i mean, i knew i wasn't going to meet kenny, so that's fine. i'll meet him again one day :). got into the car really excited. AH. the drive home was faster, obv. left at 11:30, stopped once, SKETCH SKETCH, got home at 2:45am. LOL. it's now 4am. i'm delusional. but this was necessary. thank you, the starting line, for dedicating tonight and last night to us. you have such a huge impact on your fans. i wouldn't have missed this for the world. i love you. i love tonight. i love everything. kiana and paloma are awake as well, talking to those girlies now :). tomorrow, last day of 2009? this is weird. xo.

363.

ilfpoggggg today. the starting line and envy tomorrow. life is good. xo.

edit. around 11, tor and i settled on my bed with the maine playing in the backround. decided to have a very thought-provoking conversation. there's a lot of stuff that could be said but i don't want to depress anyone. basically, everyone wants to know what people would do if they died because everyone wants to know they're important and that they make a difference in people's lives. i always feel guilty when i leave someone while fighting with someone. i might never see them again. i could die tomorrow and that's how it would stay. so tonight, i texted 34 people telling them that they are important to me. though it was a mass text, i honestly meant it sincerely to everyone. this was after tor left, and i was just sitting in my bed. i watched as the texts back poured in. eventually, 27 texts back and one phone call. reading the texts honestly made me cry. everyone deserves to know that they are important to people. and i loved seeing people's reactions. besides that, i got ready for tomorrow. SO excited. going with jakers :) ! yayay. need to go to sleep relatively early so i can wake up tomorrow. ohhhh life. only 2 days of this year left? what? better make it amazing.

362.

ahhhhhhh! hello. only 2 more days of this year? what? i actually did this? ohman. anyway. todaaay; showered, curled my hair, izzy and rachel came over for a bit. FROZE. they left at 5 and then i actually did some of my math homework. talked to laura and paloma on the phone and then paloma's mom came to pick me up with gabby LOL. picked up laura and then went to loma's! didn't see avatar in 3D cause it was sold out :( so when we got to tanger we decided to see sherlock holmes. holy fuck, jude law AND robert downey jr? fucking life. ashfjhas. SO GOOD. the movie was amazing, the end. i see good movies hahaha. but no joke, it was so fucking good, so interesting, and i enjoy british accents, THANKS. after the movie, loma's dad picked us up and dropped me and laur off at my house. around 11, tor came :) FINALLY an ilfpog sleepover. sooo happy. chilled for a little and then at 11:30, johnny picked us up with mike and anthony to chill for a bit. drove around and met up with other random kids LOL. fun times. "elise? who?" "what is this, a dingleberry?" YEAH BASICALLY, really funny. nuthunting LMFAO. love everyone. it's mad late. setting up to go to sleep now, maybe that will happen after the 3 of us talk forever. i'll get back to them now :). aw cute! goodnighttttt.

361.

holy shit, i love today. hung out with family for a while, blahblahblah. then got ready and went to my aunt's house for a little while. got dunkin donuts :) WOO! went back home at 4, and then just chilled for a while. got ready for envy, holyshitttt! :D faye and laur picked me up at 6, and then we picked up ryan. drove to the theatre at westbury, and i've actually been there before, twice... LOL. anyway. it was pretty awesome. although there was a REALLY awkward assortment of people there ahahahaha. vinnie from i am the avalanche played first, he was really funny and really good :) between the trees was AMAZING, have to get into them. their set was very long, however. but i enjoyed it. soooo, envy. omfg. up until then, we had been sitting in our seats, which were pretty good. but for envy, we moved to the toptop of the arena, in the box seats, and stood on the last seats of the row and leaned against the wall. the greatest view EVER. we could see everything. envy played sugar skulls, tell them that she's not scared, x amount of truth, vultures, southern comfort (new), artist and repertoire, the gift of paralysis, suckerpunch, and some i can't remember. but they were sooo fucking good. so good. i just wish their set was longer :( awwman. but yeah. sooo great. they came back out for an encore and played a cover of paper rival. me, faye and laur made that the funniest thing ever LOL. love us. after the show ended, we drove back to commack blasting music like brand new, tbs, the starting line, etc. so greatttt. then we went to applebee's and met up with audra and emily. got sooo much food, LOL, but it was so good. stopped at faye's for a second and then came back to my house around 12:30. laur's sleeping over nowww yay! tomorrow is gunna be mad fun, too :D! loveeee life. xo!