so, i'm hopefully going to europe for three weeks this summer. it's through a program called people to people. in order to get in, i have to submit this application, meet for an interview, and pay tuition. i think it's worth it and i'm willing to save up and pay for some of it. i went to a meeting today and it looks like so much fun, i really want this. of course, my dad has to try to ruin it for me. i wanted to talk about it with my parents after the meeting, and my dad told me he has some "concerns." the first thing was money. i know we don't have $6,500+ lying around but it's not like i won't pay for some of it. then he gave me some bullshit about how my education will be very "one-sided" and asked me if i thought god would be mentioned once. do i give a shit? do i fucking care about you and your stupid fucking religion that you try to shove down my throat? if you're going to hold me back because i'm not gunna learn about god and you're not going to be "involved" then just shove it up your ass. this is a once in a lifetime oppurtunity. i was invited to go to england, italy, and france. are you gunna take this priviledge away from me because of your stupid "concerns" ? honestly? this is bullshit. i will fight for what i want, you just wait and see.
edit. i've been thinking so much lately about my uncle. he died december 23rd, 2006. the last time i saw him was the thanksgiving a month earlier, because he lived in pennsylvania. he was sent to the hospital because he had an aneurysm that he had neglected for some time and it caused him to collapse. he had internal bleeding and was in and out of consciencness. this however...was in pennsylvania. while i was here, in new york, frantic. my aunt called my mom hysterical and i remember the fear in my mom's eyes as i watched her on the phone with her little sister. she left right away for pennsylvania, not thinking to take me. i don't blame her, at the time i don't think i could've handled it. idk. i remember getting numerous calls from her and my other aunt about his condition. a phone call did not come without sniffling. he wasn't getting better. i went to stay at my friend's house because i didn't want to be in mine. my dad picked me up 2 days later, and the car ride was silent. there was something grave about his eyes that scared me. he pulled over and said, "catherine, i'm sorry, but your uncle didn't make it." even though i was kind of ready for it, it completely caught me off guard. the silent tears ran down my face just like they had been the past 5 days. i didn't say goodbye. looking back, i wish i went with my mom. no matter how hard it was to see him like that. i wish i could've just said goodbye. i needed closure. it just felt like he left, and took a huge part of my life with him, without telling me. he left his family suffering more than anyone should and in so much debt. my aunt is handicapped and her sons are, well, difficult. over the past years, their town has had fundraisers for them and their family has helped them out a lot. everyone loved my tio eddie. everyone who met him said his smile was contagious and his laugh was infectious. he was just the guy that everybody wanted to be around. my favorite uncle. so, a couple minutes ago, the song "view from heaven" by yellowcard came on. it hit me hard. it's been on repeat since then. "and i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here. and if we all believe in heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year..i hope all is well in heaven, cause it's all shot to hell down here. i hope that i find you in heaven, cause i'm so lost without you down here. you won't be coming back, and i didn't think to say goodbye. i really wish i got to say goodbye." rest in peace, t. i love you.
edit. i've been thinking so much lately about my uncle. he died december 23rd, 2006. the last time i saw him was the thanksgiving a month earlier, because he lived in pennsylvania. he was sent to the hospital because he had an aneurysm that he had neglected for some time and it caused him to collapse. he had internal bleeding and was in and out of consciencness. this however...was in pennsylvania. while i was here, in new york, frantic. my aunt called my mom hysterical and i remember the fear in my mom's eyes as i watched her on the phone with her little sister. she left right away for pennsylvania, not thinking to take me. i don't blame her, at the time i don't think i could've handled it. idk. i remember getting numerous calls from her and my other aunt about his condition. a phone call did not come without sniffling. he wasn't getting better. i went to stay at my friend's house because i didn't want to be in mine. my dad picked me up 2 days later, and the car ride was silent. there was something grave about his eyes that scared me. he pulled over and said, "catherine, i'm sorry, but your uncle didn't make it." even though i was kind of ready for it, it completely caught me off guard. the silent tears ran down my face just like they had been the past 5 days. i didn't say goodbye. looking back, i wish i went with my mom. no matter how hard it was to see him like that. i wish i could've just said goodbye. i needed closure. it just felt like he left, and took a huge part of my life with him, without telling me. he left his family suffering more than anyone should and in so much debt. my aunt is handicapped and her sons are, well, difficult. over the past years, their town has had fundraisers for them and their family has helped them out a lot. everyone loved my tio eddie. everyone who met him said his smile was contagious and his laugh was infectious. he was just the guy that everybody wanted to be around. my favorite uncle. so, a couple minutes ago, the song "view from heaven" by yellowcard came on. it hit me hard. it's been on repeat since then. "and i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here. and if we all believe in heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year..i hope all is well in heaven, cause it's all shot to hell down here. i hope that i find you in heaven, cause i'm so lost without you down here. you won't be coming back, and i didn't think to say goodbye. i really wish i got to say goodbye." rest in peace, t. i love you.
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