2.

this is the cover of a poetry collection that i'm putting together for my creative writing class. i decided to call it "waiting" because i'm waiting for this year to start. for the adventures and memories to begin. i also included a quote from the rocket summer's song, "waiting" because i thought it would fit. "waiting, waiting, i'm trying to get out, to get out, but i'm locked right in. so take this, take this away from me. so i can live, so i can live." i really hope the poetry collection comes out as nice as the cover.

1.

alright, i've made a decision. i'm going to take a picture every single day of this year, and post it here. yep, three hundred and sixty five pictures. i hope they will depict my life and gave me many memories to look back on eventually. the first of many:



this represents the dawning of a new year. a whole year full of opportunities, memories and things i will never forget. while there were many things written on the 'december' page of my old calendar, there is nothing in january 2009. hopefully opportunities start coming my way.

new year.

so, it's 2009. that's weird. 2008 was the most amazing year of my life, without a doubt. i wouldn't trade it for anything. so far, this year hasn't been so great. as i was watching the tv of times square in a house full of my family, the countdown started at 10. those seconds flew by and when they yelled 1, it hit me. it felt so wrong. i started crying so hard. it was the beginning of a new year and i wasn't where i wanted to be. i wanted to be celebrating with my friends, having fun, making memories. i just felt like my 2008 ended on a bad note and 2009 started on one. i would've given anything to be somewhere else. it just felt so wrong. it was also the first new years i've ever spent without my brother. things were changing too fast and i couldn't handle it. today hasn't been that much better. idk. hopefully this year will improve.

alone.

why is it that when i need help again, i realize that the people that used to help me have already walked out of my life? it's the worst realization i've ever made. i feel so fucking alone. one person in particular, i need to talk about. i'm not gunna deny it. i miss you a hell of a lot. and i'm not gunna say it doesn't still hurt. i mean, i know i theoretically "fucked up" but don't you think you're being immature? i think you'd be lying if you said i was never an important part of your life. and so would i. you still are, in my eyes, or atleast i wish you were. ignoring me is not going to make me forget, if that's what you think. it just hurts more. i wish i still had someone to call up at 3 in the morning if i couldn't sleep. someone who would yell at anyone bothering me. someone who could make me smile at any given moment, and that i would give the world for. i still would...if you ever would give me the chance to. i wish i had someone to check up on me, to talk to me until i fell asleep, to say cute things that made me feel important and cared for, and to say all the right things to save me time and time again. sometimes i think that now that i don't have you, i'm in danger. i really need your help again. i need the comfort of knowing that someone, somewhere, actually gives a shit about me. i need someone to save me when i need it most. i don't want to become my old self again, but i feel it rapidly approaching. i'd really love if you waltzed back into my life. i'd really appreciate you caring again. i really wish i had you again. but people don't usually get what they wish for...

merry christmas.

merry christmas everyone (: i hope you get everything you want and have had an amazing day. it hasn't been that amazing for me... oh well. i want to write but i'm too lazy. sorry<3.

giving thanks.

so, today is a day of food, family, and reflection. what are you thankful for? mr. beckett made me think about it. i'm thankful for so many things, that when i think about it, they seem to overcome every bad thing in my life. i'm thankful for; my family. because without them, i would have no support. my wonderful friends. because without them, i would have no reason to smile. my cats! because without them, i wouldn't know what it's like to be in charge of a living creature. music, because without it, frankly... i wouldn't have something to enjoy. such a big part of my life would be missing. i'm thankful for shows. because without them, i wouldn't have anything to look forward to, and nothing to enjoy. for all the amazing people in my life. for just, everything. every thing that has ever been given to me, that i am lucky to have. most of my family is here today, and i don't think i'll be online much anymore today. have a good thanksgiving (:

-_-

i love how i CANNOT commit to this fully .... yet. idek. the past few weeks have been pretty awesome. chills with my boys the academy is... in jersey and nyc. always a fun time. they've had such an impact on my life. and all that cliche shit. idc, i love itttttt. the past few days i've been listening to all time low nonstop, and i really don't know why. i'm taking time to think a lot about the lyrics and some of them have hit me really hard. or made me realize something. either way, they've helped. for example; "we get high, we let go, we've got more than we know. my friends are a different breed, my friends are everything. make this last, take it slow, we've got it all figured out for now...so let us live our lives without a doubt." like it made me think about all the friendships i have, the ones i've ruined and the ones i want to last forever. those lines make all the drama and trouble seem worth it. because in the end, we always have the best time. always. and i'd just like to let all my friends know that no matter what, i appreciate them. you really are the best.

anyway... (: idek! ace enders decided to cover a song (bittersweet symphony), and i'm about to shit my pants because of whose doing it with him. ie; bryce avary, mark hoppus, kenny vasoli, matt thiessen, craig owens, alex gaskarth, and more. out december 2nd, along with what i think will end up being the recorded version of "winter passing" by the academy is... so yay !

........i've run out of things to say. so goodbye (: