alone.

why is it that when i need help again, i realize that the people that used to help me have already walked out of my life? it's the worst realization i've ever made. i feel so fucking alone. one person in particular, i need to talk about. i'm not gunna deny it. i miss you a hell of a lot. and i'm not gunna say it doesn't still hurt. i mean, i know i theoretically "fucked up" but don't you think you're being immature? i think you'd be lying if you said i was never an important part of your life. and so would i. you still are, in my eyes, or atleast i wish you were. ignoring me is not going to make me forget, if that's what you think. it just hurts more. i wish i still had someone to call up at 3 in the morning if i couldn't sleep. someone who would yell at anyone bothering me. someone who could make me smile at any given moment, and that i would give the world for. i still would...if you ever would give me the chance to. i wish i had someone to check up on me, to talk to me until i fell asleep, to say cute things that made me feel important and cared for, and to say all the right things to save me time and time again. sometimes i think that now that i don't have you, i'm in danger. i really need your help again. i need the comfort of knowing that someone, somewhere, actually gives a shit about me. i need someone to save me when i need it most. i don't want to become my old self again, but i feel it rapidly approaching. i'd really love if you waltzed back into my life. i'd really appreciate you caring again. i really wish i had you again. but people don't usually get what they wish for...

merry christmas.

merry christmas everyone (: i hope you get everything you want and have had an amazing day. it hasn't been that amazing for me... oh well. i want to write but i'm too lazy. sorry<3.